Wax my moon and wane my mind
be sparse in words and dense in sighs
make cautious sense from careless cold;
tune in to minor keys for major change.
My honey, be like primrose,
salt and sugar, water, spice;
be timid rock and bold like sea,
and watch me triumph darkly
kneeling meekly in defeat for you.
Wax my moon and wane my mind
be gentle when you say goodbye.
Today Lilian wants us to play with opposites in meaning at dVerse. Write one poem that includes words that have opposite meanings. OR write two short poems about one event: each written from a different perspective or voice. OR take a well known nursery rhyme or parable and rewrite it in the opposite.
Also linked to Tuesday Platform at toads
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June 26, 2018
Neatly, done, Björn
Wonderful use of antithesis here, Bjorn. In the true sense of that literary device. I especially like the repetition of “wax my moon and wane my mind” leading as it does to the final line which adds a poignancy to the write.
Nice phrase: “sparse in words and dense in sighs”
“wax my moon and wane my mind,” is a perfect refrain. this is quite a song – so lyrical and heartfelt. 🙂
-HA
Your piece reads like music! I especially liked the phrase “wax my moon and wane my mind.” Wonderful writing!
It is like a song, I agree.
What a wonderful poem!!!
I should start by saying that the adolescent who often mind-jacks my sense of humor, nearly choked on coffee when I read, “Wax my moon…” I know, pitiful. I should be slightly ashamed of myself. But… I’ve never had much use for shame, so I shall just restart my reading.
I really love the cadence, like a chant one can skip to… skip, sing, skip, sing… while hoping with all one’s soul that one’s heart is not crushed too hard.
Ha… love where your adolescent mind when with this… 🙂 Now I have to think about when going to bed.
I like this a lot. I especially like: “sparse in words and dense in sighs”
Love the refrain and cadence of: Wax my moon and wane my mind
Also the contrasting lines specially:
salt and sugar, water, spice;
be timid rock and bold like sea,
Well-played, Bjorn! Well-played! A wonderful antithesis, indeed! 🙂
Love the flow in this Bjorn! It is like a song!
What a fun piece. Well done.
Oh so poignant at the end…….wonderfully penned, Bjorn.
Interesting use of words Bjorn, Your contrasts work very well. I liked the line: tune in to minor keys for major change
Dwight
sparse in words and dense in sighs… love that!
This is enchanting and to me it seems like a lover who is obsessed and want to be the best in every sense.
There’s a lovely tone to this. I like that repeated line, with its faint whisper of the lunatic.
Always partial to poems about the moon, I love the waxing and waning in your poem, Bjorn. I especially like the phrases, ‘be sparse in words and dense in sighs’ and ‘tune in to minor keys for major change’.
It reads like a spell, an incantation, a summoning. The lines, “Wax my moon and wane my mind / be sparse in words and dense in sighs” remind me of “Double, double toil and trouble” from Macbeth, so you’re in good company. 😊
Gorgeous!💜 I love “be like primrose, salt and sugar, water, spice; be timid rock and bold like sea.”😊
Wax my moon and wane my mind.. That is a wonderful juxtaposition, Bjorn. What I especially like about your description is how you equate the beloved with simple, yet essential, things. It reminds me of Neruda and is very compelling from the masculine voice.
Thank you… have to admit that some of the turns in this was inspired by Neruda, who was a master of using antithesis…
I like your ending, Bjorn. Not the action, that is one of the most painful events a guy will endure, especially if was a long relationship. But I liked the way you wrote it happening,
“Wax my moon and wane my mind
be gentle when you say goodbye.”
Both my episodes.might have been that way, one for sure. The other was blunt about a guy she was waiting for to come home from military duty. Just told the facts, and she left. No goodbye, I think she figured I would silently leave her life without messing things up. I did that.
..
Musical! 🎵 consensus is that this needs a melody, I think it would fit a Lucy Dacus or Robert Plant melody. Well done
I love your dance of opposites! ❤
You have an excellent mind for the ins and outs of love, waxing, waning, like the tide
kaykuala
be sparse in words and dense in sighs
tune in to minor keys for major change
How true, Bjorn! One can resolve matters without having to be wild and boisterous. Otherwise there will be pain and regrets
Hank.
Love this. You’re always early, I’m always late in these dVerse posts. Never had sorted out when they are posted.
I love this! the repetition in it is like a song.
Wax on wax off…
Were you inspired by the song “wax and wane” by coteau twins?