Just from the blackbird
such a song was heard
in spring.
Just when overheard
love flings undeterred
and sings.
So it hooked and stirred
breaking heart to sherd
with stings.
The Lady Of Shalott by John William Waterhouse
Victoria wants us to write a Lai at dVerse. I found it very challenging to be so brief.
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June 8, 2017
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Taotalk is a forum for the discussion of both the academic and pragmatic aspects of dao and Daoism, with participants expressing themselves on Daoist writings and pragmatics from their unique perspectives. It serves as a community for Daoists, and those interested in Daoism, to gather and talk dao.
Brevity can be fun, and a new form is the perfect vehicle for such levity.
You had me at blackbird, brother.
Challenging? I would never know it. You chose to write beauty, use so many 2-syllable end rhymes. Bravo. Makes me feel that I took the easy way out. Maybe I will try again. Lovely poem.
Love the illustration….love the romance in this. I found this form a bit difficult to write a poem “of substance.” You’ve done it well!
You chose a bird too! And that wonderful Lady of Shalott painting!
You’ve evoked the sound of the blackbird’s song in your lai, Bjorn.
I love all things blackbird, and this is simply beautiful.
Lovely, just like a blackbird’s song.
You “lai’d it on” for sure, and did it with romance! Bravo
This is certainly a song worth singing!
I love the image and the Lai is very melancholy. You did a smashing job and brevity is fine.
And yet you did “brief” so well, Björn! A worthy poem indeed!
Fabulous poem.
This reads aloud so beautifully. Really great work.
I agree, this reads beautifully. The title adds nicely to the theme of the poem.
Beauty in shambles. Then it was a blackbird.
Whether “with stings” or strings (?), it’s a beautiful lai.
This touches a spot inside, the melody lingers
Romance starts and ends in nine lines, if I interpreted it correctly.
this was done flawlessly.
Syllable bound yet it’s a full bittersweet romance. Wonderful.
Tennyson based his poem on the story of Elaine of Astolat. Unrequitted love can sting some sensitive ladies to death. Poor things. 🙂
I also love the coupling of the painting and your poem. I think it is well written and romantic.
Love that 3rd line in each verse Bjorn ~ Breaking hearts sting ~
Ooh. Beauty certainly lies in brevity. As is the case in this verse. It creates a vividly beautiful picture in the mind. 🙂
Beautiful write.
Tough go for the birds especially for a crooner like him
Wonderful poem. I really loved first threw lines!
The romance in your poetry is captured quite remarkably and beautifully. 🙂
I had a re-print of this very image in college, literally the first piece of ‘art’ I bought. Good lines here.