Tomorrow is another day.

The funeral had been a quick affair, and the family had returned to the mansion. Amberly wondered if they would have warmed to her if she had shown a sign of mourning.
If she had faked like them.

Would a veil have helped?

She could still hear that brat, her half-brother, saying:

You are not welcome.” , before slamming the gate in her face.

She took the letter from her pocket from her estranged father and read it once again. Tomorrow they would have read the will; she would be back and be graceful when she closed the gates behind them.

© J Hardy Carroll

Please tell me if the story worked. I wanted to provide enough of a twist to make sure that you know who will move into the mansion. I missed the prompt last week, but this week I couldn’t do it again.

Every Wednesday Rochelle pretends that it’s Friday and give us a picture to write your own 100 words story… and we the Friday fictioneers tries hard to come up with our own story.



March 22, 2017

61 responses to “Tomorrow is another day.

  1. It definitely works, Björn. And I like that she shall be gracious as she allows the gate to hit them on the behind on their way out… 😉

  2. Dear Björn,

    Subtle but ever so well done. It works. I can imagine the stunned looks on their faces when she closes the gate behind them.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

  3. You are a terrible man, leaving me hear all excited about seeing her have the last slam. All right, I shall close my eyes and imagine that shocked faces… 🙂

  4. She who laughs last . . .
    Although this lady appears to have too much grace to laugh out loud. Perhaps a quiet smile will suffice.

  5. I definitely got the twist. I commend her for having the good manners to be graceful. I would have been tempted to be unbearable obnoxious.

  6. Tough titties to them, as we would say in the UK. Nobody should ever assume that an inheritance is theirs until it’s signed sealed and delivered. There might not be a gate with hinges for her to close, after her half-brother slamming it like that!

  7. “Would a veil have helped?” loved this line, the questioning of herself not her apparently evil family. Really like this story and how she rose above it all.

  8. I like that she was true to herself – and that all came out in the right way

  9. It worked for me too. And good for her, walking away and letting them think whatever they were going to think All the better to see the shock on their faces tomorrow.

  10. It is nicely succinct. The only thing I would change is in the first sentence. “The funeral was a quick affair.” This emphasizes how short the funeral was by having an equally short description. You could even go shorter: “The funeral was short.”

    I might be tempted to pair the nature of the funeral with the character of the deceased. “The funeral was quick–like the temper of the man buried.”

    But that kind of thing is for longer works.

    I liked the rhythm of your story. I just avoid the “had been” constructions where possible.

  11. Yes this definitely works. You get in so much more that we read – I’m intrigued to know more about the estrangement and would love to see the half-brother’s face when the will is read.

  12. Hah, those who laugh last… I like that she doesn’t even pretend to mourn, it immediately shows the difference between her and the rest of the family.

  13. In a way, this threw up more questions than it answered….which is no bad thing! Why were they estranged? Given this, why would she be inheriting the property? It definitely did work, but perhaps a different word other than ‘brat’ could be used? The story goes on to say how she would be graceful, but using the word brat doesn’t feel like a very graceful stance 🙂

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