You cannot see me.
I’m absolutely still.
I’m the shadow in the shadow,
patient, waiting, cause you will be
the first to move.
You know I’m close.
I can see it
in the way the curtain moves.
You’re hiding there behind,
but I sense
your heartbeat racing.
As it did before.
Bitch.
You cannot leave me.
You owe me everything.
I’ll claim you back.
——
The police report that the frozen body of Lawson Hines was found outside the mansion of his estranged wife yesterday morning. It is believed that he had sinister intentions but succumbed to hypothermia in last night’s blizzard.
The picture today made me thinking of somebody stalking in the shadows below… and I wanted to write a story in two distinctive parts, one poetic and dark, and another dry and crisp. In between there is the real story for you to fill in.
Friday Fictioneers is a community of bloggers writing fiction in 100 words under strict surveillance of Rochelle who gives the challenge and set the bar high.
—
February 22, 2017
I think you succeeded, Björn! Serves him right (even if she was evil, did she deserve whatever he had planned for her?)
We will never know.
Really interesting using only his point of view. We don’t know if his enmity for the wife is deserved or not. All we see is his bitterness and the price he pays for it. Great story.
Yes that’s the fun part. You can interpret this yourself 🙂
This is so terrifying, Bjorn. You took the shadow voice and made it yours, which speaks volumes of your skills as a writer… Not too many people can write evil and madness in such an intimate way. I can see right into the mind of this horror of a man. He is ruthless, a waste of space and oxygen… and on the side of the spectrum you stand, scribbling his tale… dispassionately, while filling each word with his emotions. *shivers*
Ah.. we all have to try to step out from ourselves.
This made me want to take a quick look around my kitchen to make sure there wasn’t a madman lying in wait. This pulled me in completely. Well done!
That’s exactly what I saw.. someone looking through the window.
This made me laugh (darkly). I like that the weather foiled his devious plans.
Weather can be devious too.
And there are probably as many versions of this story as there are readers. Good one, Bjorn
Exactly.. some facts and his emotions are not enough
woah! reality is stranger than fiction
For sure.. reality or fiction can be just the same.
Nasty…any way you look at it!
Indeed. Not a feel good story.
You stole his POV and made it your own. I could feel his wait, his silent breaths as he waited for whatever was in his mind. It takes a lot of skills to write such personal horrific stuff. Well done Bjorn.
I had to end that man… it was scary to feel the blackness of his soul
A chilling poem capped off nicely by the news report. Very nice!
Ha… every fairytale has a happy end.
This is great. I love the two perspectives, the story in-between is ghastly.
Yes and there are many different ones.
Dear Björn,
Oh snap! I’d say he had a head-on collision with Karma. I love the way you wrote this. The build of tension in the verse is tangible, then wham! I caught myself laughing with relief. Well done, sir.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Dear Rochelle,
I’m pleased I could please you with a laugh… 🙂
Tack så mycket
Björn
Wow! I love the turn that took. Brilliant.
Better check the weather before stalking.
Deus ex machina
Oh my word! That’s chilling. Excellent as always.
Chilling is a great way to describe it. 🙂
I love the combination of poetry and prose. You executed it brilliantly.
Thank you.. glad it pleased you.
I enjoyed the dual styles you employed. It was very effective. Well done.
Thank you… I love to experiment with style in writing.
Björn, you’ve got mad skill when it comes to painting the dark side of human nature. I like the structure. It seems poetic and the WHAM! Yeah, you’ve got skill.
Ha.. and I guess you expected a horrific murder to take place.
Great when even the weather takes sides! Brilliant.
Click for my Friday Fiction
Deus ex machina
Thank you 🙂
Very cool, Bjorn!
Very cold maybe?
I love how you put this together, kudos
Thank you.. I’m glad the idea worked.
You captured his possessiveness and evilness chilling well. I prefer that the snow was not evil, rather it was protecting her.
Maybe it was, or she was evil standing there watching him die…
Mission accomplished.
DJ
Thank you
Oh, BOY, that one was GOOD! Nice poem, then the news and POW. Worked great, Bjorn.
A bit of relief it it’s just the right body maybe 🙂
Your story tersely portrays the truth that obsession is cruel, both to the obsession-driven and their victims.
If there had been more words I would probably have added her view… maybe adding a layer of complexity.
Definitely a good plan for a longer story later. Actually some writers have made whole novels of this dynamic. 🙂
Wow really scary for her to find that out. Thank goodness he froze and couldn’t hurt her. But I’m sure she’d still feel bad because that used to be her husband so in the beginning at least, there were probably good memories.
I think it would be interesting to add her perspective… maybe she felt good waiting inside while she watched the temperature dropping.
I agree. It’s an interesting thought.
i bet he was enjoying every moment of it.
I think he enjoyed it all the way until he froze to death.
Wow! Would almost jump with the word “bitch” after the previous two stanzas.
A word like that really makes all the difference I think… it serves a purpose of removing doubt.
Yes, exactly right!
That went in a different direction, Bjorn. Dark and sinister at play in this write. Great …
Isadora 😎
Thank you… I really wanted to have this an end that seemed right…
That is so clever. It has a real psychopathic feel to it. The word “bitch”, written in bold, almost gave me a jump, like someone suddenly saying “boo!” from behind me. And then that twist at the end, with him dead rather than her. Excellent stuff.
Thank you, combining two very different parts was a new way to experiment with style… I think that’s the best part of FF… you can try things out
I love the challenge of FF and the fact that we’re not tied to genre and, as you say, we can experiment with style. It’s also a real education, both from the point of view of looking at what other people do with each prompt, as well as their feedback on one’s own story. It’s good to know what works for our readers. If a hugely positive reaction coincides with something you’ve really enjoyed writing, then you are onto a winner.
I would like to tell the story from many viewpoints… maybe I could have added a third to make it more complex.
Nice ending!! I really like the way you wrote this in two parts.
Thank you, I enjoyed making an experiment.
Thank you
Oh well! Karma did catch up pretty quickly, didn’t it?
Karma is not the bitch… 🙂
So speaks the voice of abuse.
I’m glad the cold got him! Loved the two parts to this.
A good mix of poetry and prose. A different way but it worked well.
By offering a glimpse into the man’s twisted mind, you really drew me in. A truly chilling tale.
“In the shadow of the shadow” Wow, that’s scary!
The tension and electricity is so palpable in this one, Björn. The “news” item at the end through me off, and I almost googled it… some very compelling story telling my friend!