A trip to the hardware store

Monica shuddered; night had been brisk and looking out she couldn’t quite determine if the window ice-bloom was on the outside or not.

Numbed, she realized that she craved for dear Jack back in her bed, if nothing else for warmth. After all it had been almost a year now.

She couldn’t quite forgive him yet, but she felt ready trying to take him back; she couldn’t spend another night like this.

Sighing she dressed in birthday mink and prepared for another trip down to the hardware store.

She definitely needed tighter shackles before releasing him from his basement abode.

Copyright – Rochelle Wisoff-Fields

Copyright – Rochelle Wisoff-Fields

This image was the fifth I wrote a story to for Friday Fictioneers, and looking back I really liked to keep the story I wrote first, but I wanted to make a few changes in language to make it tighter.

Friday Fictioneers is run by Rochelle and every week it attract some of the best fiction writer of the internet. Why don’t you try yourself.

June 29, 2016

53 responses to “A trip to the hardware store

  1. Oh boy, you’re mind is a twisty dark lair! Love the phrase ice-bloom – gorgeous. I think I’ll have to take a ball of string with me next time I wander into your brain, for fear I’ll get lost and never find my way out 🙂
    Great stuff

  2. Has a feel of an earlier piece. Your writing (style and subject matter) has most certainly evolved. That said it’s the kind of story I like so I’m happy enough 🙂

  3. Went to the hardware store today for very different reasons. If I haven’t found Buddhism I may have been the woman in your story! Made me laugh even though it’s dark as hell.

  4. A very dark twist, gruesomely dark! I was not expecting it (I know you get this a lot, for most stories!), but I mention it because there was my inner voice at middle saying Oh, cmon, not again, damn forgiveness, what is it this time? Adultery, beatings, what?.

  5. Great re-write there, Bjorn! No, I didn’t read the original, but I can tell this one is pretty tight. Keep it going! Your stories are really flying higher — and they were pretty good to start with.

  6. Very dark and very funny. I didn’t see it coming. The rewrite makes the story sharper, the twist comes as a surprise and isn’t announced. I love these comparisons.

  7. I wonder if It was Jack’ guilt that prompted him to buy that birthday mink!

    Great twist ending. Loved the previous commenter’s thought that she must bring a ball of string when entering the twisted depths of your mind, so she can find her way back!

  8. Terrific lead in and a great ending. Actually, your Monica sounds a lot like my Monica from last week’s picture – devious and murderous.

  9. Wow, Bjorn, what a great ending twist. I didn’t expect that at all. Poor Jack. I don’t know what he did, but he’s suffered for it. It must be a lot colder where she keeps him. Well written. 🙂 — Suzanne

  10. Poor man! So, was he unfaithful? She seems really vengeful and completely self-absorbed, wanting him for warmth in bed.
    Great story with an almost-funny, dark twist at the end, Björn!

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