The foghorn wailed, when at the bar
through scurvy teeth a sailor hissed
and slammed his fist. “Tonight I’m pissed”
the room went silent, barmaid jarred
remembered nights before the war
before her lover went to sea
before the news that killed her pleas
and now she saw in pockmarked face
the sailor’s eyes as dead as glass.
She watched him begging on his knees.
Tonight Gayle is teaching us the décima at dVerse MTB. The form we are doing is the version from Puerto Rico with 10 lines each having 8 syllables (My choice was to do tetrameter) with a rhymescheme A B B A A C C D D C. Come and join us when the bar opens at 3 PM EST.
April 20, 2016
love the extra “B” rhyme of fist. It seems to add to the feeling of a drunken rant.
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Quite a picture painted in this well-executed decima. You make it seem so easy. I won’t be able to be there today.
Ah, I hope he soon goes back to sea again! (without alcohol on board!) It sounds like he could wreak a lot of havoc in the bar if he was on land too long.
Terrific historical illustration with a pitch perfect Decima pitched in the strike zone. Wow, more than a poem a day this month’; that would be too exhausting for this old man.
I am a little bit above the one a day… but I started a few days late…
Excellent and perfectly executed, Bjorn, what a great story and loved the detail “foghorn wailed”, “scurvy teeth”, “pockmarked face.” I could detect nothing that hinted that this did not flow effortlessly from your pen (or brain.) Smiles…
Oh, and loved your title too!
I needed the title to set the scene… (a little cheating with the length of the poem)
Quite the scene you’ve painted. 🙂
The poem feels very vivid and I like all the different voices that emerge from it.
Great imgination and imagery.
You paint the picture so well and decima perfect! Pockmarked face and scurvy teeth — would not want to run into this guy!
Wow that was vivid and intense. Well penned – a story in ten lines. You rock! Thanks.
I love this! Such an intense piece 😀
I think this is a great decima. What a story you can tell in ten lines! So nice Bjorn.
I like this. It tells a great story in 10 lines. Well done.
Love that triple rhyme between lines two and three. 🙂
The title on its own is so evocative, It reminds me of a small pub in Great Yarmouth where an old friend of ours played with his band to an audience of drunk sailors fresh off a Russian ship! We got out before the fight started!
Poor barmaid…he’d be a hard one to love!
The painting is apt and i could visualise the whole thing
Great job and rhyme Bjorn! I enjoyed it.
Oh, starts out funny and gets very serious.
Very cool. Your word palette paints the tale. I am there. And, the rhyme of the piece!!! Somehow that manages to ratchet up the shock and awe, even further.
You paint a haunting, eclectic scene. The rhyme flow was unforced and easy… well written.
Also, using the title as setting the tone, or in essence, an extra line, is a brilliant tactic. i wish I had thought of it 1st!