I’m puppet-danced by vicious winds
in singe of strings, I jerk when pulled
by slander and the truths untold
of passions and with whom you’re twined.
When once before your words where winged,
with silence now I’m left controlled
I’m puppet-danced by vicious winds
in singe of strings, I jerk when pulled.
I’m powerless to all your whims;
with sly remarks our lips are cold
you’re calm, I’m nervous you are bold
as pressure builds from words and sins
I’m puppet-danced by vicious winds
Marionettes by Raphael Kirchner
Today Gayle teach us to write Rondel at dVerse MTB. Rondel is built on two rhymes and repeated lines.
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February 11, 2016
I like the poem, but confused by the rhyme scheme, which seems a bit different from Victoria’s; will look up Rondel; time t reach beyond my grasp.
Rhyme scheme is
1st line A
2nd line B
3rd line b (rhymes with B)
4th line a (rhymes with A)
5th line a (rhymes with A)
6th line b (rhymes with B)
7th line A (entire 1st line repeated)
8th line B (entire 2nd line repeated)
9th line a (rhymes with A)
10th line b (rhymes with B)
11th line b (rhymes with B)
12th line a (rhymes with A)
13th line A (entire 1st line repeated)
So I think i made an error in the third stanza…. hmmm correction needed.
It truly is amazing how someone’s words can impact us as much as if we were marionettes, and those words the strings.
I know nothing of the format in terms of comments above; but I can say the content is amazing!
Oh – she is definitely not worth it. (smiles)
I did very much enjoy the form….not hard once one has an idea!
The concept of “puppet-danced” is worthy of consideration. So often it’s easier to allow another to lead us where we really don’t want to go. Too easy to avoid confrontation. Very good metaphor.
Powerfully expressed!! What a fantastic Rondel 😀
Such a powerful refrain and that last stanza really packed a punch–Beautifully done!
Your repeating lines are so powerful, and I think your use of near rhymes makes it seem less stilted, give the sense that maybe there is a little tiny bit of freedom for the marionette (though that might be only an illusion). Peace, Linda
you’ve given us a powerfulmessage in your Rondel
I impressed, Bjorn. Absolutely love it.
‘I’m puppet-danced by vicious winds’
Cutting and incredibly real. Sound like life with a narcissist!
Admiring the refraining lines Bjorn:
I’m puppet-danced by vicious winds
in singe of strings, I jerk when pulled.
The movements of the marionett goes well with the form ~
Your repeating lines are so strong, Bjorn, and makes the ending line have a feeling of bold finality. Excellent, really enjoyed the topic you used; it works so well.
Am reminded a bit of politics these days…and of course the obvious mate who leads one one carelessly..perfect analogy of being mislead and mistreated! I like the ‘singe of strings’
This reminds me of an old beau of mine, my puppet ^_^
This is creative ..the puppet dance…often the heartstrings are pulled for various reasons. I found the form challenging.
A puppet-stringed is reflective of how some are led by others for some reasons. It is ok if there is no exploitation along the way. Powerful lines Bjorn!
Hank
Your repeating line is fantastic. The imagery here – WOW. And I love your use of slant lines. I like when a form can hide a little. 😉
Terrific use of the form, with powerful language and brilliant metaphor.
to be a marionette is miserable indeed…great use of the form…
Wow! I must say, your wordplay is exalted. Beautiful, Bjorn!
Oh my….powerful this is. I’m sitting her with the wind whipping outside the window and reading your poem — how appropos! There is power in relationships — and we hope that when we choose our relationships we enter into those where the effects of power are given and received, and always gently so. The image of the marionette strings jerking is a disturbing one — at least as applied to a relationship. It implies a “master”. Very well done!