Your dreams as shadows of the day
it’s cards I kept and never played
for scars behind chiaroscuro masks
When awake why did I have to ask?
I feared a “no” and couldn’t cope with “yes”
When lost, you can always guess
derive the answers from the stars
In shadow-dreams forget the scars.
In shadow-dreams forget your scars
derive the answers from the stars
When lost, you can always guess
I feared a “no* and couldn’t cope with “yes”
When awake why did you never ask?
for scars behind chiaroscuro masks
its cards I kept and never played
when dreams are shadows from the day.
Today Mary is having the Meet the Bar at dVerse and she is asking us to do mirror poetry, or palindrome where each line is presented in reverse order. This is also a little inspired on the black and white prompt that I liked a lot.
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June 11, 2015
Interesting, Bjorn. I read both stanzas a few times, and if I had to choose one of them (for order) I would choose the second. I understand the idea of forgetting one’s scars & instead finding answers in the stars. Better to look upward than inward, in this case.
Ha the complexities of human minds when it comes to relationships! ” feared a “no” and couldn’t cope with “yes”” – this line is my favorite. It reminds me of a novel where one of the characters at one point admitted that she was more scared of success than failure.
Astoundingly good, as always.
This was well worth the come-back for a 2nd read.
Wonderfuly executed form, I really like that you created a full story with it.
Ha. nice. Just one word change in the second one? I like the flow of the mirror in yours. Def the fearing no and not coping with a yes has reality to it. I think that often people become afraid of what their own success might mean for them. Again, rocking the applecart.
This line specially struck me: I feared a “no” and couldn’t cope with “yes”
The fear & unspoken shadows lucking behind are palpable ~ Love the black and white photography too ~
A perfect example of mirror form, & painful but bang on message. I remember my decade as an Actor; while struggling, someone told me, “you will only succeed when you allow yourself to do so.” Like my actual medical disability, I needed to own it, even thank it, & myself, & the universe for providing the challenge of the experience. I like the line
/Its cards I kept & never played/.
slight changes in the second stanza has a greater impact…also like the light and shade contrast in the poem…
I love the duality here, both in colors and words, no and yes. The second stanza is my favorite.
This is downright elegant, Bjorn. I have a huge appreciation of chiaroscuro in art, photography and nature–even submitted a chapbook of that name to a contest (that went no where–it was years ago). This does make for a great metaphor.
Always look forward to you posts. Bravo!
This is such a great line: I feared a “no” and couldn’t cope with “yes”
Oh very well done. I have just been declaring one cannot go deep in a palindrome, but there – you have done it.
One gets overwhelmed when given answers unexpected, a yes for a no!. Done great Bjorn!
Hank
I love this…’why did I have to ask’…’shadow dreams’…emotions play out as the mind questions…the reversed lines create a much greater impact, clinch the theme stunningly.
Elegant and yet…the unsurety, the fear of no and also, the fear of yes. I think many of us have felt that. The only times I’ve had regrets was when I didn’t play my hand of cards.
dreams are what our mind mixes up whole day but sometimes they are much more than that.
A thoughtful mirror poem, bravely written.. Palindrome is complexity enough, without adding the hurdle of rhyme and metre!
Human relationships made more complex by our masks and duality of thinking! Impressive chiaroscuro theme in palindrome form.
May i suggest replacing “and” with comma in lines: I feared a “no”, couldn’t cope with “yes”? just a bit tighter, i think…
Ah. There I feel the opposite.. because to me the and is needed for an enjambment, but thank you for the feedback.
the pen is yours to wield as you will 🙂
(:..Aborigine Dream time exists
minds of Universe all time all..
all time all Universe of minds
exists time Dream Aborigine..:)
Absolute chills, Bjorn. What a lyrical phrase.. “chiaroscuro masks” and the dance between shadows and dreams got my mind running with ideas 🙂
This was simply amazing 😀
Beautiful. I like the idea of dreams as shadows….like regrets at the end of the day. Sometimes we are afraid of our own successes for fear of the responsibility that comes with them. I really enjoyed this, Bjorn.
Wow! This form, for me, seems very complex and somewhat labyrinthine – though an apt vehicle for chiaroscuro shadow dreams, it would seem. Well rendered … I’m sure I could not take a “palindrome challenge” with such steady equilibrium.