abash
it’s far from fair
affairs repulse
and kill
yet still
repeat, repeat
repeat again
to what gain?
a burning pain
my fading pulse
of peat and ash
Michael has us to work with word-pairs sharing the same stem but with different meaning (such as pulse-repulse) at toads. I have worked in as many as I could in a short poem of sorts.
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February 19, 2015

That first stanza is perfect on its own, Bjorn.
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It has a good rhythm. Well done, Bjorn. 🙂 — Suzanne
The brevity of this merely enhances the sense of futility and desolation–as what is briefer than the usual affair, or more like a dim peat fire ending in ash–bright at first, but giving no warmth. Great choices you made in the language here, Bjorn.
seemed to work well… interesting… I may need to try it
You did it so well!
betrayal def destroys…
you get much out of a few words bjorn
that repetition is painful and yet we go for it time and again.. emotive and evocative.
-HA
I love the last two lines.
So few words, but so effective and evocative. One does not always need a wordy rant to express pain and frustration.
Stunning ….
I really love that concluding lines. There is a fabulous sense of forward movement from the first line to the last – great working of the words, Bjorn.
Oh, I love the rhythm of ‘far from fair’! It flows so nicely on the tongue. The repetition of the actual word is also pretty cool, I think it forces the idea on you. 🙂
Short–but super loaded–(one can sense your fun with the words, even though they are dark)–peat is one of my favorites. Thanks, Bjorn. k.
Wow! Love it Björn! Beautiful and great rhythm!
perfect title, and an excellent rework into the final couplet. thanks for adding your pen, Bjorn ~
Good Job, Bjorn !! This is a neat little poem. I was tempted to use ‘repeat’ but ‘Pete’ and ‘repeat’ kept running through my mind. Michael might have awarded (Mrs. Jim says you don’t “give” students grades. They earn them) a bad grade because of the spelling difference. You made “Peat” work good here.
..
yep – what we gain is probably a lot of pain and not as much fun as expected..
despair in very few words!
Yummy wordsmithing. I like this kind of writing a lot and may have a go at word-pairing, myself, one of these days.
The way this reads is like a pulse, to me, it seems and I like your “ill” words. 🙂
The repetition of sounds works VERY well.