I hate the grubs in lobster soup – for dVerse

· by · in poetry, rhymes, triolet. ·

I hate disgusting lobster soup
fermented stew of broccoli
my mouth is filled with glue and poop
I hate disgusting lobster soup
and theme-parks in monopoly
the tainted tinge of moldy bread
I hate disgusting lobster soup
fermented stew of broccoli

I hate when clouds are sullen lead
the rain of grubs and rotten slugs
when houses sleep from too much meds
I hate when clouds are sullen lead
and paying for generic hugs
in burly bouncer’s leather straps
I hate when clouds are sullen lead
the rain of grubs and rotten slugs.

I hate the poison in my schnapps
and in the water fetid swans
your cringing from the pain of claps
I hate the poison in my schnapps
the fickle gait of all your johns
why do we have to mind the gap?
I hate the poison in my schnapps
and in the water fetid swans


Today Brian wants us Break a form at dVerse MTB. I tried and tried, but finally I only did 2 modifications to the triolet. I changed the 6th line rhyme to one that connects to next stanza (actually this I might try again, quite fun), the second was in the subject where usually the triolets should be a little bit more tender and sweet (but there I break form almost always), hope you can break them better. See you at the bar at 3PM EST.
—
January 22. 2015

42 responses to “I hate the grubs in lobster soup – for dVerse”

  1. I think I will pass on the soup. More seriously you did not just alter the form but changed the kind of poetry I usually associate with triolets.

  2. breaking form…I tend to enjoy doing that…although when I’m asked to, I might find it a bit tricky. We shall see. By the way, I’m with Gabriella, and I’ll pass on the soup!

  5. All three are fun and imaginative…you make it seem so easy to change a form; I love the second one..the clouds of sullen lead really hits home.

  6. I will pass on the soup and I also hate it when the clouds are sullen lead ~ The alterations are slight but the refraining lines still stand out as triolet ~ Good work Bjorn ~ I am still trying to break a form, smiles ~

  9. Well, first of all, your pic caught my attention! Ewww… Second, you really captured a tone with your words. Nicely done (and I don’t often comment on poetry, although I do write a little).

  11. usually i like lobster soup but this one doesn’t so good at all…ha…oy – and poison in the schnapps… you know…i wonder what of the things we eat and drink nowadays is really free from poison… scary…

  12. Well, it is almost lunch here; and let’s just say I won’t be thinking about this lobster soup. And, if I were a schnapps drinker, I would hope not to poison myself when drinking it as well. Smiles.

  15. OK, brother, the triolet is one of your favorite forms to utilize, & you certainly did break part of it successfully, creating a surrealistic tale
    that somehow I discovered prostitutes in (another of your favorite subjects). I like the lines /and paying for generic hugs/in burly bouncer’s leather straps/.

  17. You captured doldrums complete – fun take on the triolet, a dance nonetheless. I might have wanted “moldy” bread to play with monopoly but tainted dances up to that harlot bound up in the last stanza so I saw where you were going. The poem may be playful but it still has “bite” and the satire is keen and biting.

  19. I really want to go brush my teeth right about now…I have all these terrible tastes in my mouth…lol….ha…errr….how do I say great job with this….lol…maybe after the teeth are brushed….

  25. Very funny take on the triolet. It felt like a Shel Silverstein poem to me. And no thank you on the soup!
    -heidi

  27. You are just too good at writing form poetry to mess with it too much, Bjorn. This made me laugh though I confess to enjoying anything lobster–but do hold the slugs and grubs please. Yuk! Fun one.

  28. I think this had the effect on me you were going for as it made me uneasy, but perhaps not for the reason you might think. It reminded me of someone I know who “hates” everything, from strawberries to the Wizard of Oz to the checker at Target asking if she would like to move to his line because there is no waiting. Hatred is such a terrible emotion. Peace, Linda

  29. Oh yes… well spotted.. it was part of breaking the form which should normally be used for beauty.. so there is a satirical element in the poem that was intended, and I agree hate is all wrong. Still we have to know it exists.

  36. Cleverly squeamish. I do find that triolets work best in multiple stanzas. As to subject matter, for me, they have a dirge-like quality that lends itself well to the morose (rather than the tender and sweet) at least, in this day and age.

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