Shut wide open.


You open jars of liquid night.
to separate the sinew from my bones.

You shut the silent chest of drawers,
hiding velvet millstones from sight.

You open and shut the horizon
slicing all my senses raw — awakened

to the proudest sunshine shared
from the ocean in your eyes.

2015/01/img_0038.jpg
Grace introduce us to the work of David Huerta at toads and gives us an open field to write poems inspired by his work. I chose to work very close to the way he wrote his poem open and shut. I will also link this to Poetry Pantry.

January 10, 2014

39 responses to “Shut wide open.

  1. The idea of liquid night enthralls me really. Oh that we could bottle it and open and close the jar at will. And the ocean in a person’s eyes- perhaps deeper than any sea!

  2. Bjorn I am impressed that you took David’s lines and made it your own ~ That third couplet is marvelous with the awakening ~ Thanks for participating with Real Toads & have a good weekend ~

  3. That is beautiful. How you crafted something so close to the poetic inspiration and yet made it yours is admirable. Great job.
    I particularly liked that stretch of gap, that break here, “…my senses raw — awakened”.

  4. The rule clearly is tell life as it really is, just don’t play it down. I like the gritty honesty in this and of Huerta’s work too.

  5. You open and shut the horizon
    slicing all my senses raw — awakened

    There may be prompts that touch on our senses and bringing back awareness! Very true Bjorn!

    Hank

  6. the first two lines are captivating….the imagery is astounding and the last two lines leave a beautiful impression. 🙂 wonderfully written, friend.

  7. And it’s very effective, I think…kind of a neat idea to use this poem as a formula or a skeleton…replacing the key words with your own imagery.

    I really enjoyed this, Bjorn. 🙂

  8. In my opinion, this is an improvement over the Huerta you used to springboard it–more direct, more vivid and just as beautifully detailed. I especially like the way you handled the transitions, so smoothly, and the emotional honesty of it all. Fine writing here, Bjorn.

  9. Lovely tribute to Huerta’s Open and Shut.
    It is strange what dealing with a loved one entails. Your line, “You open and shut the horizon”, says to me “you’d better pay attention, here then and gone soon”. That would jolt my senses (it did once, ended in a divorce).

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