You open jars of liquid night.
to separate the sinew from my bones.
You shut the silent chest of drawers,
hiding velvet millstones from sight.
You open and shut the horizon
slicing all my senses raw — awakened
to the proudest sunshine shared
from the ocean in your eyes.
Grace introduce us to the work of David Huerta at toads and gives us an open field to write poems inspired by his work. I chose to work very close to the way he wrote his poem open and shut. I will also link this to Poetry Pantry.
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January 10, 2014
Björn Rudbergs writings 
some strong words in this… your opening line is beautiful
The idea of liquid night enthralls me really. Oh that we could bottle it and open and close the jar at will. And the ocean in a person’s eyes- perhaps deeper than any sea!
Bjorn I am impressed that you took David’s lines and made it your own ~ That third couplet is marvelous with the awakening ~ Thanks for participating with Real Toads & have a good weekend ~
Yes, Bjorn, a very good job with the prompt and your own poem. k
those first two lines are solid and have hook….using liquid night to open the bones…ha….its cool….
You really channeled Huerta. I love “liquid night’ and “shut the horizon”
That is beautiful. How you crafted something so close to the poetic inspiration and yet made it yours is admirable. Great job.
I particularly liked that stretch of gap, that break here, “…my senses raw — awakened”.
Lovely and well done comparing a person to the movements of nature. 🙂 — Suzanne
just love that last line
The rule clearly is tell life as it really is, just don’t play it down. I like the gritty honesty in this and of Huerta’s work too.
i loved the thought of awakening and realization here, overall. loved the couplets too
IMO this is better than Huerta’s. Powerful. beautiful and meaningful !
Thick ocean sunshine, thick love and togetherness. Love.
You open and shut the horizon
slicing all my senses raw — awakened
There may be prompts that touch on our senses and bringing back awareness! Very true Bjorn!
Hank
I like the magick and mystery of it very much.
I love the effect your words make, such a bursting sound! I imagine you reading yourself! Cool!
Open and shut? Indeed – slice open, raw and beautiful
I like the paradox and contradiction in the title ~ shut wide open ~ and the ocean in your eyes is a lovely last line 🙂
The “jars of liquid night” is an exquisite phrase, and I love “the ocean in your eyes”. Very beautiful, Bjorn.
Such glorious imagery – wonderful
This is truly beautiful – rich in emotion and imagery.
i luv what you did with this challenge, ” liquid night has a chemical feel to it” luv that phrase
hopefully my inspiration on Open and Shut does his work in good stead
http://myblog-verses.blogspot.com/
Have a nice Sunday
much love…
striking and powerful images.
Bjorn, another great poem, the 3rd couplet my favorite. An awakening can stir the senses.
Oh !.’liquid night’ ..that’s really interesting…loved it… 🙂
Nicely done.
the first two lines are captivating….the imagery is astounding and the last two lines leave a beautiful impression. 🙂 wonderfully written, friend.
Great poem. Great use of language.
Poem as sharp as broken glass…love the edge and the warmth
This is beautiful. Your opening line is stunning. I am in awe.
Beautiful writing!
And it’s very effective, I think…kind of a neat idea to use this poem as a formula or a skeleton…replacing the key words with your own imagery.
I really enjoyed this, Bjorn. 🙂
The striking and slicing up till the point where something makes sense is intriguing to read about.
Exquisitely painful.
In my opinion, this is an improvement over the Huerta you used to springboard it–more direct, more vivid and just as beautifully detailed. I especially like the way you handled the transitions, so smoothly, and the emotional honesty of it all. Fine writing here, Bjorn.
Wow. So much power in your words, Bjorn. What a write!
Lovely tribute to Huerta’s Open and Shut.
It is strange what dealing with a loved one entails. Your line, “You open and shut the horizon”, says to me “you’d better pay attention, here then and gone soon”. That would jolt my senses (it did once, ended in a divorce).
Beautifully penned! Loved the last line! 🙂
Very interesting and nicely penned!