Carpe Diem Haiku – Frozen Fireworks (a haibun)

I dig my hands deep into the pockets of my wet overcoat, caressing the brief note you had left for me. I know that being late will not matter this time, the rooms will echo with your absence. Working overtime has been an excuse for something else than money for a long time. The drizzling rain cover my glasses and make the streetlight sparkle like a frozen version of the fireworks we saw together last year’s New Year’s Eve, repeating promises we would break.

reflected moon –
puddle on the parkinglot
ripples in the breeze

From Wikimedia Commons

From Wikimedia Commons

This is written in a response to Jen’s suggestion to study the haiku of Richard Wright. Go and read it.

November 11, 2014

15 responses to “Carpe Diem Haiku – Frozen Fireworks (a haibun)

  1. bjorn, I seriously suggest you submit this for publication. Modern Haiku, Haibun Today, Contemporary Haibun. Any one of those would be proud for this piece to grace its pages. I think one would. Yes, it’s that good.

    Gosh, just so well done.

  2. Oh, so painful Bjorn — but so beautifully written. I am in awe … darn near perfect. The last line of your prose, too — just magnificent. And with the note in the pocket, this would work well with Photographs and Memories too —

  3. Your best to date. Excellent !
    On a personal note I find it off putting that it you found it necessary to explain that this is fiction. Readers have to get used to the fact that poetry is not necessary autobiographical and a personal diary.

  4. Love the sparkle and shimmer of images in this haibun: drizzling rain on glasses; reflected moon in parking lot puddle and the title “Frozen Fireworks” – I think captures the effect of neon and lamplight, moonlight and headlights on surfaces that have been made reflective with rain. A very visual capture – lovely, really.

  5. For me this is the most poignant part of the piece: “caressing the brief note you had left for me.” The hopeless caress combined with the brevity of the note…

I try to reciprocate all comments. If you want me to visit a particular post, please direct me directly to that post.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.