a painful stamina of city-life
of pee-alleys lacking proper alibis
where your carnelian orifice –
opens to a crimson sacrifice
in just a second – trigger recipes
becomes a final death of floral lull
pulling cadres – blue suit officers
in pyjama coldness trying-lying
alchemism of leaded dread
they put numbers on your genes
no care for forebears, guru-nodes
like chicken organism of growing death
this septic steam that pares you rare
peels strips of remaining innocence
when comparing sticky mugshots
to your death-mask destiny
Mugshot of Alphonse Bertillon
I reworked some of the phrases from Marina Sofia’s prompt for Poetics, so some of the phrases are my homphonic translation from Romanian, and then I tried to make sense to this gritty story. I also tried to work on some inner rhymes to emphasize so rhythm. Today it’s Open Link Night at dVerse, that I will be hosting myself. The doors open up at noon EST. Hope to see many of you there.
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August, 30, 2014
Björn Rudbergs writings 
I enjoyed this one Bjorn, now I also know a new word in ‘carnelian’. Well done.
dark and intense – a raw and galvanizing articulation on the malignant maturation/cycle of crime and criminals
Bjorn, I’m not sure I understood all of that, but it had a lot to do with death, and the law was involved. 🙂 —Susan
very interesting… read about Alphonse Bertillon’s background as well a bit… cool as well on working in the homphonic translation again..
Ha, I had to look up ‘carnelian’ as well. This one really chills me to the bone.
Yes it’s a dark story..
ah cool that you played off your homophonic tranlation cleaning it up just a bit….the streets are no easy place….and it helped you come up with some interesting word usage…like trigger recipes…which was pretty cool…
It was a comment from Marina to use this to write something entirely new that inspired me.
A different interpretation & rhythm Bjorn ~ I specially like the reference to the mug shot in the last stanza ~ Such an interesting life story, thanks ~
Intriguing poem and back story. I like your approach to writing this.
Reminds me that humans aren’t really meant to be packed in like Lemmings..and the result is not always kind at all..particularly when leaden fire arms are introduced into the mix to overcome the natural human aversion toward destroying their own species true as one..sad when humans become meaningless numbers 2.
I wasn’t sure, I’m glad you said it was a bit dark, that is how I found it.
Bjorn, gritty reality indeed. Your word choices leave me breathless. I could see and feel “peels strips of remaining innocence.” Thanks for welcoming me back, btw.
This is a chilling portrayal of forensics science. I have always wondered how people can work there even though I know we need some dedicated scientists.
Your poem and the image intrigued me to look up more about him. Didn’t know of his important contribution as a criminologist. Very interesting subject to me. Well done
Bjorn, I understood smone got sick and died…or rather septic and died… i like this part
” blue suit officers
in pyjama coldness trying-lying
alchemism of leaded dread”
it kind of gives a eerie feeling this poem!
bloody… brilliant – smiles ~
Interesting… the second stanza is so vivid. Wonderful writing. 🙂
Dark and dramatic. Lovely line: “alchemism of leaded dread”
Well done! Again, you send me off to the dictionary! And encyclopedia. It’s worth it though, thanks for words that challenge me, Björn. I forgive you for giving me a Bit of homework occasionally. Aspiring to be around during the prompts weekly to stretch myself as well! 😉
Wonderful words! A bloody brilliant from me too.
Anna :o]
I like that you used last week’s work as a base – good stuff 🙂
hmm..you are def exploring a darker area in your writing..confession time, I had to look him up for some more background. Thanks for hosting.
looks like this took a little work… some things we can’t make any sense of
Bjorn – alchemism of leaded dread – steam that pares you rare – very cool – loved the inner rhymes- K
Really interesting – loved the sounds that this emits as well as the ruddy, florid images!
a dark piece shedding a light of knowledge…as always learning something new from your lines…
Startling and full of possibilities for new poems lurking therein…almost too much material…it would be hard to decide which way to go, all good!
Interesting interpretation and a good write.
This poem make me not only think, but go learn as well. Love it when that happens.
I think me and my ocd will stay away from your gritty city haha awesome job
a dark homophonic interpretation…but oh so well done!
Abstract descriptions but it worked out well in your write. Dark and complex, and reads well.
this septic steam that pares you rare
peels strips of remaining innocence
when comparing sticky mugshots
Even the best of pics would look the same in mug-shots. Whatever innocence left seemingly of them would be all gone. Great word craft Bjorn!
Hank
no doubt the piece is wonderful…but i am more intrigued by the title…crimson sacrifice….they and many are forgotten, as if they have a twilight….
Wonderful word pairings here, Bjorn. I enjoyed it first for the sounds, then on a different plane after I read about Bertillon.