There are two cautions for my readers
1. this is fiction, purely fiction – and quite horrific.
2. It’s not new but has been written to a prompt
The reason for this is that Gay wants us to note our own beat, by marking it in the text by marking stressed syllables in italics. I have tried to do this below by using a prose-poem which I think is closest to my internal beat. I hope I did it right, and the prosepoem should be new to everyone but Brian.
—

Copyright John Nixon
Warm sand meets my bare feet and tells of losses, of sorrows but now also hope. The sea might have taken all away, but writhen canopies murmur soft songs of consolation in my starving ears. Filigree shadow patterns on the ground remind me of the way your hair used to dance in the ocean breeze, and I can hear your laughter in the wind. Memories of screams and tresses of your dying hair plastered to your skull are waning as striations from your nails are becoming faint lines on my muscular forearms. They are my victory-insignia to your wanton chicanery.
August 14, 2014
Bjorn,That was horrific, but well written.—Susan
ha. but not horribly horrific…nice job on indentifying your rhythm…it is and easy and talking pace through, which makes sense to me considering your work with forms and sonnets
Yes – I think most of my poems have a talking rhythm
This truly is a nightmarish scene. Hope I forget it as the day goes on. But, yes, I can feel the beat.
I truly work a lot with beat when writing prose… I think it makes it easier to digest.. though perhaps even more nightmarish.
Very dark, but intriguing.
… And I remember this one too… So make that familiar to Brian and Bryan. 🙂
Bri(y)an
the regularity of rhythm stands out… steady like heartbeat… probably that is why sonnets come so easy to you as your built in metronome finds their pattern natural
yes.. I checked a lot of my free verses.. and they often have that beat… more or less..
I am not set up for making underlines, and kind of missed the boat on designating the rhythms within my Lune Haibun; so I love your prose poem, brother, very noir; chilling.
Yes.. I have avoided writing as dark as this for a while…
I liked it! Not too horrible.
a little song of Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde comes through true..in these words of hide and go seek escape that never comes..true..hmm..creativity..is great light or dark..it is still a reality to be sung as song!
yes..
unfortunately for some..
ALL 2TRUE!
NOT
..IS TIC ALLY!
sorry.. couldn’t help the world play response..;)!
but i’m
altruistic what can i say..:)
ummm i think its a very unique expression of lost love… i dont think its horror as much as it is passion!!
hahahahaha….even in prose you work in iambs and anapests. You are a “natural” poet. Your heart beat, song beat, think beat, pop beat, rock & roll beat are so ingrained in your voice that even in prose they are ever evident. I don’t wonder knowing you through text – but English is not even your first language. Does your native tongue fall as regularly? Thanks for posting. I think it’s clear you should be writing songs as well as poetry!
I wrote my second poem in Swedish a few days ago.. and I think it was quite regular.. 🙂
I felt a cold wind that chilled me while reading it… Oh, the air conditioner came on. Whew!
A natural-feeling rhythm to your prose-poetry.
I figure if this were not fiction, you would be writing from prison. Ha. It was a horrifying scene but you painted it so well with your words. To me the rhythm seems very stable, balanced, which lends itself to the icyness of the narrator.
This is bad, Björn. Fantasies of this kind is not good.
It’s not fantasy.. It’s fiction, Anders. If you cannot enter the evil mind.. How can you ever understand what is true goodness.
It does not surprise me your free verse is so well structured. I agree with Gay, you are a natural poet, very well done.
Nice, kind of a flash fiction feel to it. Wasn’t expecting that ending but darn good.
Ha! Both of us had a beach theme for today. Yours is a tad darker than mine, though–very disturbing! Great rhythm as well.
Beautifully built—makes the shock awful—wonderful write
All in the name of art! I am struggling to find the right word! ”Vivid” comes to mind…but it does show how you craft so well.
you’ve the power to make words breathe…hmm..dark indeed !
Beautifully written, though I was glad to know that it is fiction! Some (by no means all) of your stresses are not how I would have read it, but I put this down to . language differences. It still reads smoothly.
Thanks Björn…just listened to Angelina’s Shot me down Bang Bang …she is amazing….incredible…
yeah, the ending was a bit unexpected but not horrific at all.
Powerful piece of writing. Lovely prose rhythm.
Reminds me of a milder version of Stieg Larsson’s the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.
First of all I just love that picture and how your poem relates to it all those dark twists and turns of human nature…well of some not all. Really well done.
It’s dark for sure, but beautifully written. There is a comforting and familiar feel to the rhythm. Love the imagery.
Wow. This is incredible. Excellent, striking writing! In addition to the chills caused by the ending, I love this: “writhen canopies murmur soft.”
Seriously. That last sentence blows my mind.
The images are so lovely until we get to plastered tresses. I’ve read with your emphasis and without and with works best, especially when it comes to the murderous lines at the end.
I love, “filigree shadow patterns on the ground.” You married beauty to horror. Excellent work!