Unintended vitriol – sonnet for dVerse

when whispers of the moon is quenched by hooting owls
and winds fall limp into my tepid heart
I feel it slowly builds like muted howls
of non-articulated shredded harps
my words are dying stars of brutal grunts
and cannot fill your desert river-bed
of questions asked – I serve you frugal chunks
to appetite with rotting liver curds
you’re question-plate is brim-filled in disgust
instead of bloom I’m bramble-tentacles
of glowing words that instantly combust
into a limpness of my genitals
I burn with unintended vitriol
expressing love should have been trivial

Brian wants us to write a poem at dVerse about when words fail us. Wrote this little sonnet while flying home. Right now I’m in transfer at Frankfurt.

May 5, 2014

41 responses to “Unintended vitriol – sonnet for dVerse

  1. my words are dying stars of brutal grunts
    wow, nice line…lots of feeling in this…for me a feeling of unworthiness or inability….and that last line…love it seems is a hard rabbit to trap in our words….falling well short of our true feelings…for sure…

  2. I enjoyed the last two lines. But, ha, I don’t think expressing love is very often trivial. (But hopefully it is not often filled with vitriol either. Smiles.)

  3. Raven’s comment about your words being ‘grotesque’ is pretty accurate. A harsh poem, but then again…I suspect that’s exactly what you were striving for.

  4. One of your bravest, most effective, darkest & sauciest sonnets, brother, grafting words & images like a mad hatter, twisting tenderness into vitriol, striving to express your love as the bitch goddess of chaos spurns your intentions. Love the line /my words are dying stars of brutal grunts/. Your poetics, sir, are enjoying a growth spurt; better each week, I swear.

  5. I love the contrast of darkness with the triviality (or not) of love ~ Lovely sonnet form Bjorn ~ Have a safe travel ~

  6. What is “it” that builds (line 3)? I think that may affect my reading. I think it’s intended whispers appearing as grunts, blooms that turn to tentacles, words that de-glow instead of …! May you come home refreshed and with your power of speech fully restored.

  7. I burn with unintended vitriol
    expressing love should have been trivial

    Agreed! It should have been lots easier but i’s not! Expressing love done mostly in a round about way that sticks! Great sonnet Bjorn!


  8. Ah! expressing love – is never easy, is it?

    my words are dying stars of brutal grunts
    and cannot fill your desert river-bed

    Amazing effect here Bjorn.

  9. Somehow I had the feeling of watching one of those gargoyles, sculpted and attached to some old old building, trying to walk away from its foundation.

  10. I so connect with this one Bjorn, I know what it is to feel the expression of love should be so simple but sometimes made complicated. Very well done. Hope you got home ok.

  11. Wow…your use of language here really brings a twist to the stomach you make us feel the unpleasantness of a bitter exchange between a couple. Great work!

  12. I really like the imagery in those first three lines especially….but the rest is strong as well. “Unintended vitriol” -ouch…but I think many can relate!

  13. I understand this very well. Sometimes, questions are just so intrusive you wish the inquisitor off by unpleasantness. 🙂

  14. Ever the struggle of seemingly simple that are anything but.

    “…brim-filled in disgust
    instead of bloom I’m bramble-tentacles
    of glowing words that instantly combust …”

    “Unintended vitriol” getting in the way of that which needs to be spoken.

  15. Indeed, considered in the light of the myriad of aspects of the human condition expressing love should be trivial – though I suspect for many (if not most) of us mere mortals, it is anything but.

  16. ..the depth of the turmoil of writing expressed so well in this sonnet..I love the first two lines, then contrasted with the goriness of the process…cool write.

  17. Yes..sometimes words..make life..
    what it could otherwise be..
    just life…
    my feeling
    is..if IT doesn’t exist
    on the beach..
    it’s not real….
    after traveling that
    and filled road for over a decade..
    IN WORDS..
    any thing
    far far away
    from the beach..
    in words instead…of free…JLS..sea..
    i b le…

  18. This sonnet really WORKED. No forced, shoehorned words or phrases, Bjorn. Late to the party, but wanted to tell you that describing yourself as “bramble-tentacles” connected intimately. The reaching out, even if the attempt is covered with thorns. Brill. Amy

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