My victory-insignia – for Friday Fictioneers

Warm sand meets my bare feet and tells of losses, of sorrows but now also hope. The sea might have taken all away, but writhen canopies murmur soft songs of consolation in my starving ears. Filigree shadow patterns on the ground remind me of the way your hair used to dance in the ocean breeze, and I can hear your laughter in the wind. Memories of screams and tresses of your dying hair plastered to your skull are waning as striations from your nails are becoming faint lines on my muscular forearms. They are my victory-insignia to your wanton chicanery.

Copyright John Nixon

Copyright John Nixon

Not even this beautiful picture could refrain from from going really dark. Last week I tried to read as many as I could, and my sincere apologies to any I never visited.

Friday Fictioneers under the great leadership of Rochelle has developed to a be a community of 100s of entry every week. We try our best to tell a story on 100 words. I try to meet the requirement exactly, and this time I did.

March 26, 2014

65 responses to “My victory-insignia – for Friday Fictioneers

  1. i love the word filigree….and interesting how the warm sand on barefeet is loss…its not what i would expect and i like that…the laughter in the wind/scream another nice contrast…

  2. It may be really dark, but I love it. Such a vivid description, you took me there with you. Nicely done!

  3. Too briliant for words! You built that up so well you may be getting a visit from the NSA if a woman goes missing near you… ¤¤¤PS – for any other readers – Disclaimer: this comment was to be read as a compliment and is not indicative of any real life situation in any way¤¤¤

  4. You really loosed your poetic side on this story, Bjorn, and it worked so well. You’re the second person to use “writhen” this week, which was a new one to me (and that’s not easy to do.) Your lovely language worked well to hide what was really going on. The only quibble I have is in the second sentence, I think you could use a comma for clarity. You have “The sea might have taken all away but writhen canopies…” which made me on first and second reading think that all went together and I was looking for “,but” where the sentence ended. A comma between “away” and “but” would take away that possible misreading. 🙂


  5. what vivid imagery – I want to know so much more about what’s going on, but not at the expense of any of this. You give us just enough. Nicely done

  6. Your writing is very high standard for me. Dictionary helped me. I feel inadequate to comment.. Beautiful use of words. Like reading a poem.

    • that’s what i was thinking, but i wasn’t sure, so i started reading comments to see if anyone else saw it that way too. so now i can be sure i was right. thanks.

  7. Oh Bjorn!This is the reason why I love your work so much-beautiful language hiding such darkness-loved each and every word!I hope someday ,many years later,I can write something similar 🙂

  8. Great contrast between the ‘filigree shadow patterns on the ground remind me of the way your hair used to dance in the ocean breeze’ and ‘tresses of your dying hair plastered to your skull’
    Beautifully written

  9. Your contrast of beauty and horror is stunning… it makes the ending all the more powerful!

  10. Horribly dark. I think I may be losing my taste for tales of husbands killing wives and vice versa, but this writing was beautifully poetic — I expect nothing less of you, darling.

  11. Bjorn, this reads like poetry. I especially like the “writhen canopies.” Loved it all. It’s definitely one of my favs this week.

  12. in the first line, should “tell” be “tells”? it feels that way, but maybe i’m reading it incorrectly. it’s a shame that her “chicanery” was too much for him. however, we can’t really know if she went too far or he had self-control issues. either way, she’s gone, and he’s dealing with it. well done.

  13. Oh wow. That really is dark. What did she do? Or is the just not a very nice man? I’m left with the image of those fading scratches and feeling slightly unsettled 😉

  14. Pingback: My victory insignia – for dVerse | Björn Rudbergs writings·

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