With hands like dying birds – for dVerse and Visdare


She always melted into symbios
like dying snow falling softly

a background flower – wallflower
forgotten even before you’ve met

her hair was grey like a trailerpark
backyard in early March

She had a voice that sang
in harmony with swaying canopies
devoid of greenery.

She was so easily ignored
as your eyes were always fixed
on the rutted path
that leads away.

Her gaze was alway wandering
into remote waterlogged marshes
And her hands were like dying birds
forgotten by its kin.

Her dresses were like November fog.
with a smell of composted leaves

The day she was to leave
she wrote a letter to the wind,
scribbled in a hairline filigree
never to be read

She disapeared into the mist.
Her footprints in the sand
were faint and shallow
and the wind took them away.

invisible she was
invisible she left.


Mary wants us to write about invisible.. by a coincidence the picture for the Visdare prompt was a perfect fit. Hmm and I think I might have included a little of Brians character prompt as well.

51 responses to “With hands like dying birds – for dVerse and Visdare

  1. oh heck… she would be the perfect spy… you know… she could be everywhere and no one would ever see or remember her.. love the images you use… her dresses were like November fog….the smell of composted leaves gets already dangerous though…people will remember smells you know.. smiles… cool piece björn

  2. ha. ok. first, love the title….hair like trailer park grass…ha…cool…writing the letter to the wind is magic…
    so many cool descriptives in this…there are those that can just kinda fade in and out and never really be noticed…

    330 am…still like 12 kids awake…ha…

  3. Another well-written poem, Bjorn. Actually I agree about a spy. Also, this would be the perfect person to commit a crime in a mystery story. No one would suspect. These people can just fade into the background. I’m one of many who love Agatha Christie mysteries.

  4. You open with a great title and close with 2 perfect lines…in between is like a fireworks show of descriptions…this is the first poem I have read today and I would be wiling to wager I won’t read a better one all day.

  5. A very sad poem, Björn! You have used some very powerful similes and the closing lines are simply perfect. This must be one of your best poems.

  6. I really like the ‘picture’ you wrote of this woman, Bjorn. It makes me think about the invisible people who really are all around us, those ‘wallflowers’ we never really notice. And if they were to leave (as this woman did) we would not notice their departure any more than their presence. Sad really, to think people go through life like that. Your final couplet was moving and will stay with me!

  7. You painted her very clearly ~ I specially like the writing letter to the wind and this:

    her hands where like dying birds
    forgotten by its kins.

    How sad that she is invisible, even in departing ~ Happy Saturday ~

  8. Ooh, such a sad tale. Reminds me of the song ‘Homely Girl’ by UB40. You did bring her to life; I was able to envisage her. There are many ‘invisible’ and beautiful people in this world…

  9. dear, dear Björn…you always find the true emotion in the scene. I enjoyed the entire piece but:

    She was so easily ignored
    as your eyes were always fixed
    on the rutted path
    that leads away.

    That stanza takes my breath away it is so very powerful. Truly, your talent inspires me to try even harder with my own writing. Thank you, thank you, sir.

  10. So superb Björn I want to say it’s ******* brilliant! Brilliant it is!
    Anna :o]

  11. Excellent Bjorn the whole issue of invisibility affronts us all at one point or another. I once did an experiment with my drama class. I said I was leaving the room and when i returned I wanted them to be invisible. So some hid behind curtain, behind boxes and where ever they could.In the end the most invisible were the three kids who lay in the middle of the room. The ones most obvious. How often is that the case.

  12. From brilliant title, to its closure, not a single misplaced word. This is really fantastic writing. Love ” her hair was grey like a trailerpark
    backyard in early March” and LOVE her hands like dying birds. Wowzers, kiddo!

  13. They do not bother, they do not care! They live in their own dreams not affecting others. So they are left alone and remain invisible of no consequence to others around. Seen some people like this! Truly narrated, Bjorn!

    Hank

  14. This transported me into another reality. I love all your similes and images.

  15. breathtaking bjorn! love many of the lines, this in particualr:
    The day she was to leave
    she wrote a letter to the wind,
    scribbled in a hairline filigree
    never to be read.
    Thank you for your writing!

  16. such interesting descriptions in this piece….all making her invisible to her surroundings. I like the ending…how can her absence be noticed if her presence never was.

  17. interesting poem here as I take in the images..sad she disappeared in the mist and the wind taking her footprint..like she never existed.

  18. It sounds like you’re describing the loner, outsider that sat in the back of all of my high school classes, the only one who seemed lonelier than I was, the one in every 80’s teen film. Your descriptions of her were vivid, beautiful and sad all at once.

  19. Reminds me of so many ghost lovers whose passing through went unnoticed by me, searching the horizon for love.

  20. Wow, what a nice coincidence indeed! The picture is perfect. I especially like this image: “like dying snow falling softly”… I have always seen snow as something alive, but well, it’s true that it falls just like dead leaves…

  21. Fabulous imagery, mood and character development, Bjorn. And just for fun, I’d like to see her turn out to be Claudia’s spy (more November fog than composted leaves). This is very good.

  22. Oh my, this brought to my mind the wallflowers at the school dances years ago….poor gals never were asked to dance, as if invisible…but this gal has to be the saddest of all…great images, great write, Bjorn. And thanks, I’m fine.

  23. Reading it a bit late Bjorn – having a busy weekend here 🙂

    Love the details you add in – the natural element and like the letter to wind as well, brings in the effect of invisibility nicely.

  24. Oh Bjorn. This touched me in a lot of ways. One that it was finely written, the images and feel so perfect for this time of year. The other is how I related to her feeling and her color and invisibility. I was there once, and struggle to not go back there again. Well done my friend, well done!

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