a sleek machinery on overdrive
the drones remote control a homicide
anonymous a button can benight
collateral the deaths are multiplied
while body-hunters get a sordid wage
believing we from terrorists are saved
but still hostility’s becoming worse
the girl that dreamt to be a chambermaid
she hides in sorrow her disfigured face
and rips her heart apart before the nurse
we might go praying in the village church
or try to compensate and fill her purse
but it will never bring her brothers back
and spirals of revenge will grow for that
Behind of Veronica’s Veil by Ernst Fuchs
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Linked to dVerse where we write Bout Rimés tonight under Tony’s guidance. The end word are drive, side, night, lied, wage, saved, made, face, nurse, church, worse, purse, back, that.. I used a few homophones and longer words.
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February 13, 2014
dang. tight bit of commentary you worked into this…drones scare me…they depersonalize death in sucha way…from remote…and when we still make that human mistake…and wreak havoc on the innocent with such force and effect…no there is no making up for it….
Many thanks.. I love writing to puzzles… and yes.. I think we breed terrorists generation on generation
heck… a tightly written piece… i find even the camera drones they have at the olympic games a bit frightening – and when it comes to how drones can be used in a war it makes me shiver all over… great use of the words björn
Ah thank you.. I loved the prompt.
“the drones remote control a homicide” — love that idea and the rest of your commentary. Great take on the prompt!
Thank you.. yes.. once I had the first line… the rest kind of gave itself.
Interesting use of the form in this modern day tale, Björn. The last thing we need in this kind of conflicts is ‘collateral damage’ and the revenge that ensues.
Indeed.. that’s my concern…and the depersonalized killing don’t make it better.
It’s the last line here that really packs the punch for me; violence will only beget more violence, but it’s a lesson that we seem reluctant to learn.
Alas a lesson we always forget
wow! I was debating taking up Tony’s challenge to use “homicide”, but chickened out. Glad to see you used it!
Ah.. I kind of had to do it.. I think it helped me getting the story through
You managed to get so much commentary in those fourteen lines, I read several times to make sure I got all the stories. Strong poem.
Thank you.. I wanted the poetry today to have a meaning…
nice …your expertise at work here for sure!
What a great piece. Beautifully written … very unsettling.
Always unveiling the truth Bjorn. Well done – doesn’t feel at all topical – has a universality and deep emotions within.
We really were on the same wave length, brother, you were just more creative with the end words; nice choices. To touch on the New Millennium Crusades was a master stroke; really liked this one.
A superb truth in your commentary here Björn and violence does beget violence and how awful this violence is metered out (remotely) with the touch of a button.. What a terrible future we are building for our children.
Anna :o[
and your talent shines once again BR, I couldn’t hide my words. Creative and thought provoking.
What a tight and tough write–enjoyed this!
dang, there’s some serious carnage going on in with you, Claudia, Brian, Therin…. holy moly. Wonder what I’ll find further down the trail ~
This is a dark piece of writing but, held together with strong
words and images…deep thoughts and messages here..well done..
Wow.. you nailed it! I knew you would.. this is your forte writing within the form. Absolutely brilliant topic.. just perfect.. I want to write like this, tell stories like this.
that’s a very sad scene you have protracted their
Searing political comment there, I think, but without losing the poetry! Well done, Björn.
you made it scarily realistic and up-to-date. Amazing to see the directions people have gone to with this handful of words. liked the multip-lied, implied multiple lies somehow.
nice. I like the way you have kept us thinking here
Wow! You wove a deeply moving story from the given words! 🙂
Hard hitting piece and that second stanza did it for me.
Love what you did with these words that Tony supplied. Haunting and gripping. I find it interesting that there was no mention of homicide or guns in the list, but including my poem and yours there are at least 4 I’ve read so far that touch on that theme, and I’ve barely gotten started on reading all that Mr. Linky has to offer. Peace, Linda
Ah.. Tony mentioned homicide… so I went for it..
That’s right! I guess I’d let that fall into my subconscious when I was writing and then forgotten all about it. 🙂
Oh! The sorrow turns into feelings that seek revenge.
I feel saddened by the futility of such attacks… that take so many lives and leave so many scarred. Terrorism is fought by terrorism…
You made me think. Great writing.
The sadness that jostled my heart as I read the final line of your poem is only a fraction of the true impact of drones. Great writing!
Yes, sadly, the spirals of revenge will indeed grow–drones as anonymous homicide. But it’s the personal that is truly powerful here. Thank you.
Bleak…but brilliant…so well done.
Love how you made the rhymes work! Tight and tense storytelling, too! Nice one, Bjorn!
Well done. The ordinary person is helpless in the face of that kind of technology. It’s indeed frightening.
quite an intriguing tale you have painted with your words. there is so much packed into each stanza. you can understand the revenge beginning to burn inside the girl.
Bjorn, brilliant storytelling here. I didn’t read this earlier. Rhymes are supporting the story so well.