Behind her veil lies the revenge – Bout Rimé for dVerse

a sleek machinery on overdrive
the drones remote control a homicide
anonymous a button can benight
collateral the deaths are multiplied
while body-hunters get a sordid wage
believing we from terrorists are saved
but still hostility’s becoming worse

the girl that dreamt to be a chambermaid
she hides in sorrow her disfigured face
and rips her heart apart before the nurse
we might go praying in the village church
or try to compensate and fill her purse
but it will never bring her brothers back
and spirals of revenge will grow for that

Linked to dVerse where we write Bout Rimés tonight under Tony’s guidance. The end word are drive, side, night, lied, wage, saved, made, face, nurse, church, worse, purse, back, that.. I used a few homophones and longer words.

February 13, 2014

41 responses to “Behind her veil lies the revenge – Bout Rimé for dVerse

  1. dang. tight bit of commentary you worked into this…drones scare me…they depersonalize death in sucha way…from remote…and when we still make that human mistake…and wreak havoc on the innocent with such force and effect…no there is no making up for it….

  2. heck… a tightly written piece… i find even the camera drones they have at the olympic games a bit frightening – and when it comes to how drones can be used in a war it makes me shiver all over… great use of the words björn

  3. “the drones remote control a homicide” — love that idea and the rest of your commentary. Great take on the prompt!

  4. Interesting use of the form in this modern day tale, Björn. The last thing we need in this kind of conflicts is ‘collateral damage’ and the revenge that ensues.

  5. It’s the last line here that really packs the punch for me; violence will only beget more violence, but it’s a lesson that we seem reluctant to learn.

  6. We really were on the same wave length, brother, you were just more creative with the end words; nice choices. To touch on the New Millennium Crusades was a master stroke; really liked this one.

  7. A superb truth in your commentary here Björn and violence does beget violence and how awful this violence is metered out (remotely) with the touch of a button.. What a terrible future we are building for our children.
    Anna :o[

  8. dang, there’s some serious carnage going on in with you, Claudia, Brian, Therin…. holy moly. Wonder what I’ll find further down the trail ~

  9. Wow.. you nailed it! I knew you would.. this is your forte writing within the form. Absolutely brilliant topic.. just perfect.. I want to write like this, tell stories like this.

  10. you made it scarily realistic and up-to-date. Amazing to see the directions people have gone to with this handful of words. liked the multip-lied, implied multiple lies somehow.

  11. Love what you did with these words that Tony supplied. Haunting and gripping. I find it interesting that there was no mention of homicide or guns in the list, but including my poem and yours there are at least 4 I’ve read so far that touch on that theme, and I’ve barely gotten started on reading all that Mr. Linky has to offer. Peace, Linda

  12. Oh! The sorrow turns into feelings that seek revenge.
    I feel saddened by the futility of such attacks… that take so many lives and leave so many scarred. Terrorism is fought by terrorism…
    You made me think. Great writing.

  13. Yes, sadly, the spirals of revenge will indeed grow–drones as anonymous homicide. But it’s the personal that is truly powerful here. Thank you.

  14. quite an intriguing tale you have painted with your words. there is so much packed into each stanza. you can understand the revenge beginning to burn inside the girl.

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