I hear your echoes in our empty rooms
as dust swirl slowly in the silver moon
the butcher’s hatchet sing of crimson dooms
your soul has flown but still I keep your bones
His light shines on us – from wikimedia commons
Trifexta 33 words of love gone wrong avoiding the words love, sad, tears, wept, heart, pain. Kind of my favorite subject. So above is 33 words of pentameter.
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February 10, 2014
Björn Rudbergs writings 
Gone, very wrong, indeed.
You even make a murder mystery sound poetic.
Ha.. yes this is something I really love to write
Nice and dark
Enjoyed
Ally 🙂
Many thanks…
Wow! One can certainly tell this is a favourite subject of yours – such seemingly effortless depth and punch delivered in so few words!
Thank you.. this was fun to write
Echoes in empty rooms – This is a great line and opens up so many many questions.
Indeed.. silence is usually not a good thing.
That is simply chilling. I love it!! Seems a bit sinister. ♥
Aim to please..:-)
haunting….love the sing of the hatchet,
the keeping of the bones as well…
Ha. I had fun writing it.
Between your poem and your voice, Björn, you are worthy of Poe! Fantastic write!
I’m awed by such a compliment
A bit eerie in the keeping of bones!!
It’s called obsession
Love gone oh so wrong, written oh so right! And to hear you read it makes the haunting words come to life. Perfection, Bjorn!
I think it work perfectly as a lullaby
Wow, this leaves quite an impact and was not at all how I expected the first line to roll further. Great write.
Thank you 🙂
I agree with Valerie – this is haunting perfection, Björn. Your first line made me gasp and I love how you then took it in the opposite direction. I knew your entry would take my breath away :)))
Oh thank you… this type of writing is my favorite…
Your poetry and sound track are worthy of a voice-over for a murder mystery/horror movie. You should look into that.
That would be fun… Love to add the reading dimension.
This is a new level of wrong! (That’s a compliment :)) “butcher’s hatchet sing of crimson dooms” – creeeeepy!
Oh sometimes you have to use tools to keep a loved one from leaving 🙂 —
“Still I keep your bones,” it’s all we ever had in the first place, right?
He he…
Well crafted. Excellent.
Thank you.. 🙂
I love your writing. It kicks butt every time!
Thank you.. I will get by later to read yours… usually so well done.
This gave me chills!
I love that… 🙂
Once again, I am wowed by your work.
Ah.. Thank you Vivianne
A good murder commited with limited words…I like it a lot!
A good hatched is all it takes
Chilling. Your voice reading makes it even more so!
he he..
That is so creepy; I absolutely love it! You have a way in creating an atmosphere with your words.
Macabre is the word that comes to mind. I loved it!
This is excellent 🙂 Great job!
Oh, Bjorn! Reading the words were darkly poetic. Hearing you read them actually gave me chills. Incredible! I love when you do a sound track. Your voice!!!
Excellent! Just macabre enough for me to laugh! You are amazing Bjorn!
Nice post, I love the feel here.
Especially love this line:
as dust swirl slowly in the silver moon.
Poetic and dark, very dark. Quite evocative.
Oh creepy! And fascinating despite the word restriction.
I guess the butcher didn’t have beef for dinner…Surely the bones weren’t wishbones from Thanksgiving Turkey’s of years past…This was true to the challenge and, as yours always are, written well.
What lovely contrast between the two couplets!
Holy @#&*%! That’s love gone way wrong. This is chilling and haunting, and I thoroughly enjoyed it!
I know I shouldn’t be smiling. The meter is far too upbeat for the admission in the words. The hatchet singing of crimson dooms is beautiful – poetically and visually.
Yikes! That last line really hits you in the gut. Well done.
Nice.. Last line was great 🙂
I like writing on the dark side and you didn’t disappoint:~) You had me with the first line. I liked how in just a few words, you told a scary story. Well done:~)
Such a dark reality, penned so beautifully.
Oh…dark separation! 🙂 nicely penned.
Spooky, sad, and awesome.
Wow, this is beautiful…
detta är verkligen inspirerad. välstekt
Damn – this is gorgeous. It’s dangerous, and creepily sensual. I love how you use your words, Bjorn – makes it hard to remember that English isn’t your first language, but easy to believe you’re a poet through and through.
I love your work. I hope I’ll be able to write as well as you someday.
Wickedly lyrical. You make butchery seem so beautiful!
Wow!Once again you have enchanted me with these lines Bjorn, 😀
Very well done. reminds me of poe. so macabre but so beautifully written
Wow, this is incredible, Björn. And getting to hear it in your voice was awesome!
The change of your beat to illicit the twist was a nice turn of events. Well voiced.