you pluck me ripe, my body’s yours
invisible your finger’s grasp
with routine used to settle scores
and gutsy fists that make me gasp
you gather lists to fill your dreams
and paints me an abusive type
while wedding rings flow down the stream
my heart is punctured by your snipe

The Lament by Edward Burne-Jones
Ok, this is my second wordle.. it’s fun to try to fit into some kind of form. In this case it should be tetrameter. I also link this to Poetry Pantry.
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February 2014
yikes….first, great internal rhyme….this flows wonderfully….and the story…its a sad one…when love falls apart there are those that will destroy the other with an intensity that marvels the love they once shared….
Nice one. You did a great job with the words.
This has the ring of sadness, Bjorn. Good use of the wordle words!
The pain is very tangible and craftily expressed, Björn! Great title too.
I love the metre in this poem – and love the line “you gather lists to fill your dreams”. You are good at wordles – they defeat me!
You’ve done well at expressing mental anguish in this poem. You seem to find pictures that go beautifully with your work.
very beautiful…lovely.
Wordle lists are like puzzle pieces – I like playing with them too.
I like how you introduce a this form – though my own sense of maths are not quite up to par.
Thanks for your visit. I do hope my willow has some life come spring. I know ‘She’ is about 23 years old…
Ah.. willows grow quickly…..
But only live briefly…20 to 40 years… depending on type and where they are planted.
Really good form and flow to your words and the image is like a quiet echo after the reading,
Elizabeth
a sad tale of a punctured heart! It’s hard enough sometimes to get all the words in , but adding form is very impressive!
Sad story, but great work!
Hiya Bjorn – love: “you pluck me ripe” and what an intensely concentrated and evenly sustained poetic achievement here – the internal rhymes help produce the the sweetest richest of literary liquors – Great work… With Best Wishes Scott http://www.scotthastie.com
nice. it seems as if this is a rather common occurrence with lovers…sad state of affairs
You haven’t lived unless you heart has been punctured at least once by an unrequited love.
Beautifully sad. Very moving. X
Love the form here..and the image to go with 😉
A violent being gets hit with a violent ending. Fists at the beginning, precision snipe at the conclusion. Nice contrast.
I’m breathless at your facility with the form and the wordle words which are skillfully tucked inside the poem! Great!
Such a sad tale expressed by the angelic touch of your words. Beautiful writing.
Punctured heart…
Awesome!
Por fin, I am here to read your beautiful work, Bjorn. Sorry for the late visit. Life is not kind right at the moment.
Pamela