She stays behind when all have left
and listens to what’s beating
She stays behind to hear her heart
for sorrows that’s her eating
She thought his promises were true
before she found him cheating
She’s sitting once again alone
betrayals are repeating
(chorus)
As violins have ceased to play
remember there’s a price to pay
As silence paints the world in gray
repeating all the words he said
He’s watching as she sits alone
and listen to her crying
He’s feeling guilty for her now
but knew their love was dying
He shuts the door and walks away
it feels too much like prying
He knows they’ll never meet again
tomorrow he’ll be flying
(chorus)
As violins have ceased to play
remember there’s a price to pay
As silence paints the world in gray
repeating all the words he said
This week at dVerse MTB Gay asks us to write lyrics. I try to make this highly singable. Very strict meter (ballad and tetrameter), and simple rhymes. Anyone know a good tune for it?
Also this week the picture comes from Angela’s Visdare photo prompt.
—
February 6, 2014
Björn Rudbergs writings 
Sad but lovely. The voice recording really enhanced it. Your voice is very suitable for reading poetry.
Thank you 🙂 Hope you join in songwriting tonight. 🙂
So good. This is definitely singable – the pacing and meter rushed me through when your words are telling me to linger on the emotions. You tell the end of this relationship beautifully.
It would be fun to have a tune to it… hmm
I loved listening to this!
Ah thank you 🙂
tight chorus man…i like the violins….you create almost another space but tie it in nicely….ugh on cheating…i could hear the flow in this one…and feel the sadness
Ah.. yes.. would love to find the melody 🙂
You always do sad well. I agree with Brian about the chorus. Oh, the violins….
I think ceasing violins are the same as the end… Maybe we would just hear the drums..
Lovely poem Bjorn. Now…I just need to think up some lyrics so that I can join the fun too!
You’ll do great 🙂 this is your turf.
even if it would be mondo painful but i would never want someone to stay with me cause he feels sorry for me… so…it’s tough when he goes but in the end she can be glad as the way is open for a new love
Oh yes she’ll be trying again.
It must be devastating to find out one was betrayed by someone who had been trusted. Unfortunately I think this song is sung WAY too often.
I think it happens too often.
A very strong lyrical flow, brother; and yes, singable as well. I stayed with the simplistic rhyming balladic lines my self this time, and tried to imagine what instruments would play between the stanzas. This was a way cool prompt today; loved yours.
Ah.. yes. I imagine this to be sung with just a guitar.. no too slow but of course in minor
Very nice chorus Bjorn ~ Too bad on the sad ending but better to let a dying love go ~
Trying to keep it alive is probably not a good idea
That’s a wonderful piece Bjorn – great rhythm and powerful lyrics and a chorus that holds it together well – just one observation: one line would improve if you made it ‘He shut the door and walked away’ to hold the correct tense together – it loses nothing in pace.
sorry I mean ‘shuts’ and ‘walks’
Great suggestion 😉
Fabulous – you do write to prompts so well! This would immediately translate to a pop ( input here “Country”) song. I’m glad you put up your recording. In Texan “said” doesn’t rhyme with way, but in your accent it does beautifully. Down here we say “sehd” – ha! I loved it a lot. Well done!
Said was a little slanted.. 😉
Great combination of both prompts, Björn!
Ah.. Visdare comes out so nice in time for MTB.. I just looked at her sitting there .. and imagined…
I hear the twang of a guitar in the background…or at least it’s a song that could be country, I think. She’s better off staying behind;)
Some country.. or bluegrass.. yes.
I’m leaning on a lamp post
at the corner of street
in case a certain little lady comes by…
Oh me, Oh mi
George Formby.
If you google it you might try and see if it fits. Especially the refrain.
Such nice words in your song.
The refrain.. that’s a regular tetrameter.. should work.. I will check it out.
Loved this, Bjorn. A song of love and loss, where rhyme just works perfectly!
Thank you.. I love the ballad form..
Wow. This was deep and so very poignant!
You raised an issue I can’t help pondering on myself: The nature of relationships. I still do not understand why love has to die if it is real. Is forever just another age-old immortal lie?
The anguish in this is palpable. It feel as though I am a voyeur to both their sorrows and want to turn away from their pain. Beautifully done.
Great pic..I used it too. Unfortunately could not link to Visdare.
I just looked at the pic and imagined something completely different to you. Thanks for the inspiration.
endings are sad
yet inevitable
and your voice suits the words
I like this very much. I think it would make a great song. You may have discovered another talent.
Beautiful chorus, Bjorn. A sad tale but a common one when one wants to leave another. Enjoyed you speaking it too.
the chorus is perfect for this song and I really did enjoy your reading.
Lovely Bjore……….. Lovely………
Well done. I can hear it being sung.
Beautiful lyrics Bjorn. Loved it.
Beautiful BR – I got a country and western tune in my head – Leanne Rimes, kind of feel.
love the rhythm and the reading!!
i really liked the chorus… even though the music was sad
It may be sad there’s a silver lining. It opens up for a new find. Your voice is perfect Bjorn!
Hank
and it’s always more difficult for the one left behind. I imagine the crying of the violin in this piece.
Sadly beautiful, or beautifully sad. Well done, Bjorn. I enjoyed the reading, too!
Great ;lyrics, Bjorn. I could hear this in a slowish melody in a minor key.
I think this is the first time someone has composed song lyrics for a VisDare….LOVE. Such bitterness and regret communicated here.