“I need my money back”
old man cried
“They said investments
in your real-estate
was safe and guaranteed”
Teller man, said not a word
and smiled with charcoal lips
cast-ironed he scrutinized
and waited silently
“I’ve waited long, I have proof,
you say I’m destitute,
I will call my solicitor”
His voice was breaking up
and for the first time
since he was five
tears were rolling down his face
and feeling short of breath:
He saw his king of white
an only hope, his life was lost
checkmate, checkmate
Teller man just smiled
– a little wider
and it dawned upon the man
“You, my banker, are Lucifer,
and you’re here to collect my debts”
The teller man responded smilingly
“Your fortune dwindled in your sins
I compensate and take your soul”
Teller man smiled again
and in a whiff of smoke
“poff” the man was lost.
Today in meeting at the bar, Brian wants us to tell a story in poetry. This week Angela comes back with her Visdare prompts. It’s been a long time since I wrote on her wonderful pictures. So today I combine the two.
The dVerse bar opens at 3 PM EST.
Björn Rudbergs writings 
ah safe investments and lucifer – wonderfully lucid.
Cool….
ah heck… what a story… and that is serious debts…honestly…if i had to pay mine… i had no chance…luckily i don’t have to…so…smiles…fine storytelling sir…
Interesting combination, Björn! A world dominated by the power of money can be a very scary place! We feel sorry for the old man, whose trust was deceived.
eep…when the devil man comes a calling….it makes sense he was a banker…hahahaha…ah, not much you can do at that point but pay, i wonder at what point its too late for mercy….
That is quite a story, Bjorn. Sad that the man was taken advantage of by a Lucifer in the financial trade. I have heard tell that they are not unheard of, though I’d like to think the majority in that field are honest.
Very deep poem Bjorn! I think this is one of my favorites. (We are all in debt, but someone else paid my price, now I gladly owe him my life.)
Great story here Bjorn. Glad to say with a few others here that my debt has been paid in full. 🙂
Your retelling of Faust, or paradise or innocence lost is an excellent tale; full of regrets & warnings, that we need to embrace alacrity when it comes to all things financial & spiritual; excellent response to the image & inventive storytelling, brother.
What a story Bjorn ~ I wouldn’t gamble nor play with the devil ~ But sometimes we are sorely tempted & we forget the ultimate payment of all, our soul ~
Neat! This is like the morality play “Everyman,” but in your poem the man seems more sinned against than sinning. Could be both. A chess-playing banker devil! A cool silent type, of course.
Great dialogues. They are the point of focus in this story.
Lucifer coming to collect the debts and the following statement… well-penned. I loved the poetic story quality of it.
Inspiration was a mix of dr Faustus and the film the seventh seal…
Fancy finding a photograph that fits your scary tale so perfectly!
This time I started with the picture..
Great story, Bjorn. I really like the picture placed at the end. I get this rather deep, dark story and then a visual context. Nice.
The funny thing about nature..is no matter how much a person has..there is always a debt to pay to live…
There was a time of a target to be debt free..that seemed unattainable for me..
And yet another time..where the money had no end..and there was no longer any need for it..as is now….
And then a time of what the heck will i do next..i need a master ..to serve now..but have not but me…
Ahhhhh..five long years later..the master cAlled..and then i finAlly answered..and am paying the debt…
once again…
and hope to never be ..
debt free..
Again.
We all love to have a go at bankers, but you’ve made it an art form! Bravo.
Being fooled is not fun, what you vividly describe. But feeling you deserve it, is terrible.
“Charcoal” and “cast-iron” are really nice. I like the “poff” at the end.
Debts to be collected, this is quite frightening and vivid. Just what bedtime needs before sleep. I like it
Ah the bankers and their promises – they are Lucifer indeed…and how we, the vulnerable and innocent – who only seek a ‘safe’ future – are destroyed by our trust.
Anna :o]
Ah, what a good story…the perils of the Faustian Bargain.
Oh I love the conflict in this Bjorn 🙂
I love it that Lucifer is a banker.. how apt! Great story, Bjorn.. I’ve said it before and will again.. you are very good at this..
You really capture this raw emotion well. I love the photo you chose to accompany!
How well you’ve told this too-oft unfolding tale Bjorn…so absolutely heart-breaking…gorgeous way to handle the dual prompt as well…nicely done
http://aleapingelephant.blogspot.ca/2014/01/off-ledge.html
Nice Check mate…… and I also wish we could
“poff” the man was lost. get lost like that………..
Camels and needles Bjorn…
Every Faust gets short-sheeted by his desire for a short-cut (usually provided by Lucifer) to that shiny gold. Rooked, to use the chess-term, though we can’t blame the Teller, he’s just acting out the drama. Nice.
What a cool story – a great metaphor, too, for when our debt truly comes due. ““Your fortune dwindled in your sins
I compensate and take your soul” Wowzers!
Whew…not cool to try and bargain with Lucifer. Enjoyed every word of this!
Gosh! I hope at end-of-now, the one I meet is not wearing horns!
Oh how well done (pun intended), to pay debts…for Eternity!
Oh dear! An archetypal story but told in a new way–your faustian tale is very clever and it combines a bit of a Ponzi scheme–very clever, Bjorn. Thanks much. k.
Excellent! Great storytelling, Bjorn! Good message, too!
Great entry! So many voices here have pointed out just the things that made it sparkle for me. Glad to see you back in the VisDare ranks!!
and so we can ‘bank’ on you for writing a clever piece…banks/financial institutions/money lenders many of them rogues – well penned BR