58 responses to “charcoal letter – for dVerse”

1. Beautifully written Bjorn but sad as well, not everything works out does it.

2. Pingback: Blah Morning – dVerse | Bastet and Sekhmet's Library·

3. I really enjoyed reading this. Your metaphors are fantastic.

4. ouch…we try so hard at times and yet, the inevitable seems to fall upon us…and our efforts go unappreciated….

5. delicious imagery here.

6. Dreamy, the way you set the verses up, Bjorn. I love the silver yarn and the golden sheets of sunshine! The silver and gold and white contrast so much with the charcoal black. Very well done!

7. So sad. These things happen often enough. As Robert Burns wisely penned:

   The best-laid schemes o’ mice an ‘men
   Gang aft agley,
   An’lea’e us nought but grief an’ pain,
   For promis’d joy!

8. Bravely you bash the words about with the net down, & free verse has welcomed you warmly, brother. And a Romance poem to boot; really enjoyed the ride.

9. ugh… that is so painful…if one tries everything to save a marriage and keep the love alive and the other has given up and already on another path… hurts…

10. Such deep emotion and pain. Beautifully written.

11. Ouch on the ending ~ lovely verses sweetly tangled, smiles ~

12. This is really beautiful. The ending is really painful, especially when one of us is not okay with it.

13. I really feel your hopes and final disappointment in this. Well captured!

14. Ah, the trials and tribulations of love and relationships –

15. aw, Bjorn, that was really well crafted
    and if the story is true, well, hope springs eternal! 🙂

16. Well..i was surprised as after the concrete words and death does us part..i was expecting to hear tombstone..instead of distance…

17. I hate charcoal! It always seems much flimsier than the concrete gifts nd actions, but seems to end other things quite without effort. Well done!

18. Clever idea and imagery, but I suspected the tale was not going to end well!

19. ouch! The sting of love gone wrong…or worse: neutral!

20. The metaphors are great…and I actually like the sad ending, I do hope it’s not based on personal experience.

21. Oh my…:) Loved this, truly…well done, Bjorn 🙂

22. A successful poem – had the form feel to it without the rigors. I like the way your poetry is constantly breaking free. I see so much growth over the time I’ve been reading your work. I know this will be a successful year for you.

23. This is a sad poem, Björn! I suppose the last thing sh’d want would be to just be friends.

24. For me there are echoes of Scarborough Fair in this poem, Björn; all those impossible tasks and even then you don’t get what you hoped for. It is all too often the way of love …

25. There are so many things, that we we know won’t be fruitful and yet will do – isn’t it? Beautiful. Especially the end.

26. Deep emotions…painful and beautiful.

27. Oh Bjorn-it’s the worst when we long for that love that ends in that dreaded line of “I just want to be friends.” Beautiful poetic letter.

28. loved the opening line of these… you did not disappoint us till the end

29. New year greetings to you Bjorn – and off to a flyer with this one bittersweet and beautifully done..

30. Some say there is no other writing than carrying on the conversation with our beloved, whether present or absent. I think all poems come from that place. Excellently crafted.

31. ouch … so painful … but so beautifully written… your imagery is perfect and it makes my heart hurt.

32. hey I like this a lot! nice! (thumbs up)

33. Awww! That last stanza sure packs a punch. Great piece though, really liked the imagery & the flow. 🙂

34. Beautifully painful the end cuts and leaves a scar.

35. Well crafted…one of your best I think.

36. Wow…this blew me away. So sad. So cutting. So…true. The sense of loss, desperation, fear, love, resignation and so much more, are so apparent in this poem. Your repetition makes it all the more lively and triggering. Amazing.

37. Powerfully Sad and, yet, true. Love it Bjorn!

38. painful theme but artfully penned… with some great metaphors

39. Rough, falling on concrete is terrible! All joking aside, I loved it!

40. with the weight of charcoal… all that is beautiful and hopeful brushes away. Beautifully tragic. Nicely done.

41. Sometimes things end up in the crapper, but at least you get a new friend, right? haha

42. I like how you chose charcoal for the negative message. Well done.

43. this was very nice – strong imagery

44. Damn…the ending smacks you in the face…I like that. Love the title as well.

45. The theme of relationship, depth, our efforts into happy one…not the same… would be this new status ‘friends’ worthy of new efforts?

46. Sweet wishes that are unrequited make for a beautiful poem, and I loved the change to charcoal in the last stanza.

47. This is sad. We can’t control another’s emotions. Nicely written.

48. This is a gem, Bjorn…poignant and lovely… 🙂 xo

49. Ouch, painful! But a beautiful ballad you have created here, with a folk song feel to it.

50. So sensitive, Bjorn. You’ve successfully captured a doomed, one-sided love affair.

51. Deeply felt and emotional words.

52. Very fine progression of imagery, from the jeweled colors of the protagonist’s intentions to the stark black and white of the final reality. Nice work.
    Steve K.

53. Foolish girl to leave someone with such loving thoughts.

54. What a heartbreaking last verse, with a funny/sad tone. Brilliant

55. beautiful and touching….great lines…
    writingonjusttowrite.blogspot.com

56. Ouch. Love isn’t concrete is it?

57. I’ve always imagined dreams had silver yarns that took them out into space 😉

58. Excellent poem. I love the metaphors.

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