as the path leads
my feet read truths
of deeds undone
Pere Jean’s Path by Paul Gaugain
Thanbauk is a Burmese verse style with three lines, each having 4 syllables. It should have rhymes in each line.
x x x a
x x a x
x a x x
I tried to mix this with a little haiku for fun. Thanbauk should usually be humoristic, but here it’s freestyle. Time to invent.
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Linked to Carpe Diem
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October 13, 2013
Excellent
Thank you 🙂
The poem is beautiful. But I must keep it simple.
Simplicity is good.. the complexity lies in the content… but the rhymes here are not that complicated.
Fascinating – I must look into this with more detail. Really very interesting.
I just found the form, and it lends itself to some nice cadence..
Never heard of this Thanbauk, but it is certainly worth a try. Maybe this thanbauk is somèthing for a new episode of ‘ little ones’.
Why not.. I just learned it by browsing through old instalments of old dVerse Form for all…
I like the haiku…I don’t understand the xxxa part but glad you can do such complex writing feats. Feats with hands…ha.
a indicate the syllable that should rhyme.. so the rhyme travels inwards for each line. leads – read – deeds.. not so complicated really.
I’m often drawn into your poetry by the visuals you post with them. I pondered this thandauk (never heard of this); … truths of deeds undone … leaves a wide scope – deeds that has been committed and then undone? Is this possible? Or deeds intended and never done? The latter is the best. I think.
Yes the deeds never done is preferable…. if they are good deeds they can be done, and bad deeds can be avoided. A walk in the woods can be good to make up ones mind.. or any walk for that matter.
Living close to nature as I do, I find going for a serious walk leaves space only or the walk and perhaps if I remember, to take a photograph. I often decide to not even take a photograph as it interferes with the whatever happens to one on such a walk. Sometimes I walk specifically to take the photo … a deed well done. But it takes a shift. I should try and write a poem about this!
And it is well done.
I like this form.