skies grey of leaden steps
leaving him watching
painted kohl and heavy lashes
loneliness from heavy burden
losses and laments of pain in vanity
beauty enchanting. the borrowed jewels
echo lingering with empty rooms
diamond teardrop falling
falling teardrop – diamond?
rooms empty with lingering echo
jewels borrowed, the enchanting beauty
vanity the pain of laments and losses
burden heavy from loneliness
lashes heavy, kohl-painted
watching him leaving
steps leaden of grey skies
At Real Toads we try our luck writing palindrome poetry. First time I tried it, but this sounded like an interesting exercise into new territories. Hope I did it right.
August 10, 2013
I think you wrangled the form very nicely, I loved these two lines:”rooms empty with lingering echo
jewels borrowed, the enchanting beauty”
You have done a great job. I have tried it a number of times but never could come up with a decent creation. It is quite challenging indeed, given that we can not use words that would disrupt the formation when we reverse the words.
That is a real achievement.
Heavy emotions here with: skies grey of leaden steps & borrowed jewels ~ If I may suggest a bridge word in the middle like this (if you don’t mind):
Creative break of -diamond?- and still that deep sadness of watching him leave ~ Lovely palindrome Bjorn ~ Thanks for linking up with Real Toads ~
Oh I love improvement 😉
It is wonderful to see how the reverse order of your words tells a whole new story.
Wow! Beautiful in form and topic. You mastered the palindrome! 🙂
Love this mystical scene…specially enjoyed phrase play ‘leaving him watching’ and ‘watching him leaving’. Also like ‘lingering echo’
you sure have a handle on this… no easy task
nice. someone else said this, but it’s impressive how you made the words feel heavy, grey, leaden. even without the photo. well done!
The reverse really brings it all that much more home
I am very impressed!
Well done. I especially like the story summed as you do in the first two and last two lines.
This has to be far beyond “right” by anyone’s definition. Amazing to me…not just the form…the emotional story.
Wow. This works so well…what a great somber tone this carries. I love what happens in that last line…and to leave off there is interesting, too. Nicely done!!
Cool how you didnt just reverse the lines, but reversed the word structure within the lines – an intriguing exercise!
You have taken the form and not only accomplished it, but did so with so much emotion. Beautiful writing!
I was sure you were an old hand at this form, you did it so well. The empty rooms, the lingering echo…beautiful!
Like a concertina of musically tense emotions. Rich and beautiful.
I am slow catching on to writing palindrome poetry. You mentioned this is your first palindrome poem…and I thought you did very well writing it. The form made sense to me, and the content interesting to read. Impressive and inspiring for me to give it a try.
I think this works well, it is an interesting form, I like what you did with it. XXXX especially the teardrops.