lavender and muted drums – Villanelle

· by · in dVerse, poetry, villanelle. ·


to muted drums away she walked
now brimstone carcasses remain
as lavender and rose she talked

in granite senses love is locked
she lingers in his phantom pains
to muted drums away she walked

initially he was just shocked
from breaking up the velvet chains
as lavender and rose she talked

his broken soul with scars is pocked
her memories, his pulsing veins
to muted drums away she walked

in summertimes as smells concoct
the flower memories sustains
as lavender and rose she talked

with winter chills the burns are blocked
the taste of ice relieve restrains
to muted drums away she walked

as threnody inside conducts
alone he has to cross the plains
to muted drums away she walked
as lavender and rose she talked

—

Memory by Sergey Solomko

Memory by Sergey Solomko


—
Today in dVerse Tony invites us to look back on two years of Form for All and Meeting at the pub and choose one or even two and write a new poem. When Samuel Peralta did Villanelle I had just started writing poetry and actually wrote my fist Villanelle around that time. One of my favorite MTB was Victoria’s entry on Synesthesia , and I tried to mix in a little of that also.
—
July 18, 2013

65 responses to “lavender and muted drums – Villanelle”

  2. I’m always very impressed by a good villanelle as it is a dificult form. This is very accomplished ..it has a rare beauty to it, almost mystical, but faithful to the form with challenging rhymes chosen. Applause!!! 🙂

  3. You have written a beautiful villanelle. I agree with the previous commenter that it must be hard to write in such strict verse form. Once again I like the accompanying painting.

  6. I’m always intrigued by the visuals you choose to go with your writing. Well done.

  7. you have really worked the form well bjorn…smiles…how did you ever choose which one you would do? ha. i like your refrain line of talking as rose & lavender, how you used hot and cold in the seasons as well to accentuate what was happeneing…nice…finally got mine up just now…

  8. nice…haven’t read a villanelle in a long time and haven’t written one for a long time as well… it’s my fav of the poetry forms..the repetition works so well.. i need to write one soon again… good work björn

  9. You really know how to ‘work’ a villanelle, Bjorn. I know I have read villanelles of yours before. I like this one, as it captures mood very well. I feel the sadness in this poem. Though she spoke ‘lavendar and rose’ she walked away….and after this he felt so very alone! But remembering.

  10. I admire the challenging form and use of synesthesia (one of my favorites too) ~ The first stanza set the mood and emotional scars left by her memories ~ The use of muted drums is a great imagery for me, aside from lavender and rose ~ See you later Bjorn ~

  11. Sam always picks great classical forms for us, and it is cool that this is the form you cut your teeth on. Your villanelle is flawless, and like you I write my poem first, then search for an image to compliment it; unless the image is the prompt for the writing; nice job.

  12. Wow, Bjorn. I bow to you for choosing the Villanelle, a form I find so difficult, and how well you’ve blended in the synesthesia. (I like playing with that one, too). Funny how we both chose similar themes, the end of a relationship.

    • I find writing about ending an relationships strangely poetic. The romantic lyrical is a little bit like candy – too much sweetness… I also have found that tetrameter gives such big difference in tone than pentameter..

      • I think you’ve answered a question for me, Bjorn. I love writing those although I’ve never had it happen to me. (except for the sociopath I dated and I was the one who walked.) :0) And somehow the feeling of loss hits us all, so we can experience it vicariously.

  20. Wow, Bjorn. You blow me away every time. Loved the two refrains and so strong when they come together at the end. You know my brain and the kind of poetry you write so I know that is part of the style. Still, the words of each line are so powerful.

  22. Ah–the way the refrains turn back, like memories of broken relationships, causing us to relive the smells, sounds, sights of the past. Excellent form, beautiful!

  23. Bravo on a remarkable piece of writing that challenges the best of poet’s. I myself have not tried this form but would like to in the near future. Wow, the mood in this Villanelle. Oh, BTW, what does threnody mean. LOL~no really-Never heard of it. :-0

  26. Just gorgeous–the refrains are beautiful and the villanelle is so well done. I love that form–what a challenge! And a heart-breaking story.

  29. lines like:
    his broken soul with scars is pocked
    taking hold of my imagination, but the whole thing a magical enactment I could only partly follow. Wonderful!

  31. This is so poignant, and forgive me, but it immediately reminded me of Victor Hugo’s Demain, dès l’aube…, one of my favorite poems.

    I love the overall mood, Björn, the point where your poem ceases to be a form and evolves into a beautiful expression of lost love.

  34. Lavender and rose, two appropriate flowers for the end of a relationship. And muted drums to accompany the dirge. Wonderful, Bjorn.

  36. Hi Bjorn = sorry to be so late back – I’ve been a little sick. Well done with the villanelle — the lack of punctuation is particularly interesting to me. I used to write villanelles as my favorite form and have done several of them and found punctuation a very effective tool for shifting the sense of the lines, but this works super well without punctuation. That was an interesting discovery for me. The images are lovely – two places I found a little awkward and wonder if you might reconsider – (i) why she linger instead of she lingers? This seems maybe a typo?

    (ii) I wonder whether you couldn’t shift the line re brimstone carcasses remains. I think you are using remains as a verb here but the tense doesn’t agree – it would be remain – but you are trying for your rhyme. Of course remains could be the carcasses as they are remains, so if you are going for that, maybe you want to shift the words a bit –like carcasses, brimstone remains – something where there is not this feeling of disjunction of the verbs. Maybe I am too grammatical, but these were sore spots for me at least in terms of language usage, though maybe I’ve just not read them properly. Anyway, take care. k.

    • Karin hope you are well again… , and thank you so much for the grammar correction.. it’s my standard error (Swedish don’t have singular and plural forms of the verbs).. I decided to go for have a slightly slanted rhyme to keep the iambs in place 🙂

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