Sweet Cheryl – Written for Trifecta

· by · in flashfiction, trifecta. ·

First of all thank you for all the votes last week, a clear surprise with so many good entries. This week in Trifecta the following is the challenge
APPEAR
1a : to be or come in sight
b : to show up
2: to come formally before an authoritative body
3: to have an outward aspect : seem

Here is my 333 word entry, and HEY this is my 500th entry.

Copyright Björn Rudberg

Copyright Björn Rudberg


As long as he recalled he had loved his teaching. But as retirement got closer he found it ever more difficult to appear happy. It was partly because of new subjects, he couldn’t care less for mobile phones or iPads, antiquated not only with students but also with colleagues.

But more importantly it was Cheryl.

She looked exactly like her mother Tanya. His favorite student all those years ago. Just like Tanya, Cheryl had all the intelligence and charm needed for a free ticket out of her dreary background. The only difference was that Cheryl’s eyes were green like deep sea. Tanya’s eyes were cobalt blue.

But just like Tanya, Cheryl had started to hang out with the wrong crowd and was now on a straight road for a future in a concrete apartment. Tanya had dropped out school pregnant together with that good-for-nothing bastard Richard and now lived by herself with Cheryl and cheap wine.

He sighed deeply just thinking about Tanya and what he could have done for her..

He declined any celebration from the headmaster on his last day and walked by himself over the parking-lot to his old car, weighed down by books he would never open again..

Just before he came to his old car he was attacked from behind, and was manhandled into the backseat of his clonker and driven away. Blindfolded he could still feel every bump from the road leading to his remote cabin and he wondered what was happening.

Strong arms carried him up to the porch that was ready for his retirement. He was placed in his rocking chair and they removed the blindfold.

And there was Cheryl and her crew.

With a breath laden with cheap wine she stared at him and hissed.

“Traitor, welcome to retirement”

Pausing she looked with hatred into his sea-green eyes and said with a breaking voice.

“Father, you deserted us”

His pain of realization was much stronger than the pain from the blade penetrating his abdomen.

—
May 27, 2013

58 responses to “Sweet Cheryl – Written for Trifecta”

  12. Oh she was angry for the initial betrayal, but would not tolerate a second time around. Well done Bjorn.

  13. He certainly is retired now! I felt sorry for Cheryl-and now she probably will be spending the rest of her life in that concrete apartment. This is so tragically excellent, Bjorn! (And I mean that as the highest praise!) 🙂

  14. A powerful story. I’m glad my retirement for teaching wasn’t like that!
    Thanks for a great read Björn.

  16. Revenge is sweet, but not sure about Cheryl.. I like the phrase, Cheryl and her crew. That sums up her life. Well told, satisfying story!

  17. I agree that this was, as always well written, and there are a number of wonderful details and phrases to highlight, not the least of which is the concrete apartment and breath laden with cheap wine.

    I however was confused by the end because I didn’t have the strong feeling that he knew that Cheryl was his daughter even with the lingering thoughts of Tayna, though that does color the phrase “favorite student” in a whole different shade upon the second reading. But because I didn’t have that feeling, it diluted the revenge moment, for me, turning it into murder casting him in a sympathetic light.

    What a great character study of someone not particularly exciting! (Although, clearly more exciting than he appeared!)

    • My intention was that the thing he had done to Tanya filled him with such shame, that he didn’t even considered the fact that Cheryl could be his daughter. My thought was also that the sentence about what he could have done for her .. would be a little hint that something had happened. But the if you go for a surprise it’s a balancing act on how many leads you should throw in. Thank you very much for your feedback.

  18. For some families, stories are doomed to repeat themselves.

    It reads as if Cheryl is mad because he deserted the students/school. I mean, obviously he never took the position of her father. Right? Am I reading it wrong?

    • I think she’s mad because she know he took advantage of her mother… driving her to misery… he has never realized he have a daughter (until it’s too late)… so he has made Cheryl’s life a misery too.

  19. Wow! This packs a wallop and a sound punch to the gut. It’s almost sweet the way he ruminates over Tanya, and then the ending made me feel disgusting for sympathizing with his memories.

    Well done! You might have a two week in a row winner here.

  20. Yikes. I thought for a minute it was going to be a surprise party for his retirement. Instead, a far bloodier surprise was in store o__O

      • I had a philosophy professor in university who had married one of his students and had a son with her. (They were now divorced) and he talked about it openly in class. Also I know somebody who married their highschool English teacher and they have two kids and are still married. I think this sort of thing happens more often than we think, or more often than we’d like to think…

  25. They warn about people not handling retirement well… haha
    Quite the twist there!

  28. As I read I had the feeling Cheryl was his – the way he could see the mother in the daughter indicated he’d paid Tanya too much attention. Odd then that he didn’t/ refused to see himself. Great work.

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