40 responses to “Immigration line – Trifecta entry”

1. A harrowing experience, that has a wonderfully happy ending! A smile, and home! Excellent writing!

   • Thank you… yes. I thought about how I feel in emigration, and then about how a refugee must feel

2. Great joining of form and content.

   • Thank you 🙂

3. Great descriptions. I like a story with a hopeful ending!

   • Thank you 🙂 I really liked to play with the form this time.

4. You’ve done an excellent job capturing the anxiety and tension that everyone standing in that line must feel. Good buildup. Just when I thought he was going to be detained, he made it!

   • Thank you 🙂 yes.. I wanted to create some positive spin.

5. Thanks. I had to read this. I and my family are in the process of moving to France. We’ve been through the consulate and been granted long stay visas. Not so harrowing as this but tense.

   • Standing in the lane is always a nervous experience

     • Yes. Thanks for your understanding.

6. It would be terrifying to be in a situation like this. I’ve never really thought about what an awful feeling it would be to be hunted. The shape of the words could be a footprint left behind or even a body. I love your originality, Bjorn.

   • Thank you.. 🙂 O saw a customs official in this one.

7. I adore this, the flow of the words, the physical shape of the poem. Did you use deliberate as an adj or verb? (I only ask because I had to think about the pronunciation and flow differently.) loved it.

   • it’s intended to be an adjective but I think grammatically it might have been more correct to use the adverb… But I took the poetic freedom of using the wrong form. I wanted deliberate be around the neck, to put emphasis on a strangling feeling.

8. I’m really impressed. Your poem not only beautifully describes an experience, it creates a visual shape. That’s just super-cool. Kudos!

   • Thank you 🙂 Yes to do poetic sculpture is something I really like

9. I liked the tension in this and, to me, the shape looks like a keyhole which would be appropriate, too.

   • A keyhole makes sense… but I thought of it as a man…

10. Nice, tense build to the happy ending!

    • I really wanted a happy end this time…

11. Love the words and the shape.

    • Thank you 🙂

12. As another said, I love the shape of the poem, and the happy ending, the perennial issue – that maybe we’ll never get right. But we can hope for common sense and a kindly presence. Great piece, Bjorn.

    • It’s not really stating what’s right or wrong, because it’s too complicated. I wanted to write about how an individual might feel.

13. You really conveyed the tension and drama of the moment so well in so few words. Great.

    • Thank you 🙂

14. The tension is so palpable. This is well-done.

    Thanks for linking up!

    • Thank you :-9

15. Great write so well conveying the anxiety. Just went through this myself on behalf of my exchange student on her way back home. Waiting to get past all that security is nerve-wracking.

    • Thank you… yes even me that only go on business trips find it nerve wrecking.

16. Very intense piece! I love the structure you used, which I feel really adds to the tension. Great job with the prompt!

    • Thank you.. another way of writing form poetry.

17. Very powerful. My mother grew up in Germany during WW2 and escaped from east to west Germany. This reminded me of her own real stories of her life. Wonderful piece.

    • Thank you. To be a refuge and getting in has to be a harrowing experience 😉

      • Her entire life from child to adult is really filled with many stories that feel like a movie. Unfortunately many went through those times. She told her stories over and over so we would appreciate what we have and hope we never go through.

18. A delight to read (shape and substance)! The first part – all that tension, reminded me of renewing work permits, the second of going home. Now I always try to land in Boston, where they (customs officials) invariable give me a big smile and a Welcome Home!

    • All that tension is so very clear sometimes. And I wanted deliberate to be like the noose around the “mans” neck.

19. I like how you connected the individual to the crowd and their separateness. The visual effect was great.

    • Thank you.. writing shape poetry is kind of fun… and I think that’s how you feel, utterly alone at the same time as you are in a crowd.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.