57 responses to “Space travel – sijo for dVerse”

1. oh music can take us to distant universes for sure…wow…sounds like a wonderful concert..and your sijo looks flawless…and musical… i bet sam loves it…i do..smiles

   • The Nielsen part was really space travel 😉 took me far away.

2. I agree with Claudia, it’s very musical.

   • Thank you… yes that is what I wanted to achieve.

3. nice…great last line in this bjorn….music has that ability…and if i close my ears i can hear it just a bit in that description of it lifting me up and floating along off into the universe…..

   • When listening to Nielsen I was far away in space

4. Bjorn, this is beautifully musical–fitting for a poem about symphonies. Love the internal rhyme and musicality.

   • Thank you.. I wanted to convey the feeling I have when listening to a great symphony orchestra.

5. I hate to pour water on yur sijo, but Iam pretty sure the first line only contains 13 syllables which I also believe is outside of the form? 14-16 syllables per line? I also making the total syllable count to be below the the forms requirement.

   If thats all wrong, please excuse me, the form is new to me, so I am still getting to grips with it. Please delete this if I am wrong or you are using a different form that I am completely unware of.

   Other than that, I enjoyed the content because I love music, so something like this piece will always appeal.

   • Oops – I have ceased to count syllables in haiku… might be wrong in this case, but I tried to listen to how it sounds, and I could not fit in another syllable. Many of my early haiku was flawed in that way. But I will look into it. — I did get it to 14 however after checking… but maybe I pronounce maestro wrong…

6. and i can see you with eyes closed and head nodding… nice connection

   • I actually sat there listening just like that, where you there?? 🙂

7. Truly musical, Bjorn… I especially like the second line.

   • Thank you.. thank you.

8. Love that last line 🙂

   • Thank you 🙂

9. Oh yeah, I’d love to take that trip. You got me up to speed in very few lines. Excellent.

   • Thank you 🙂

10. Ah … what’s a syllable or two between friends 🙂
    I reckon the old Koreans didn’t drum their fingers on the lutes to count the lines.Lovely thought to have your music flow across the oceans to us all.
    Lovely idea to have thes

    • 😉 thank you

11. I counted the first line and its 14 syllables to me ~ I love the way music can bring us away, far into the universe ~ lovely sijo ~

12. This builds my anticipation for the weekend (going to see Madame Butterfly) : )

    • Ah lucky you. 🙂

13. “traveling the universe, carried by the music’s flow” –
    nice nice nice 😉

    • 🙂

14. wonderful – I was carried away by your beautiful words! K

    • Thank you 🙂

15. I would not have thought of putting concert music to this form, it has nature so ingrained in its form?
    But it seems so right here.

    • I actually wrote it waiting for the concert to start.

16. truly lyrical. nicely done with this. your final line is wonderfully broad and open.

    • Sometimes symphonies give you that 🙂

17. Music can take a person anywhere. Love this!

    • Just close your eyes, and you are somewhere else.

18. So soothingly beautiful, Bjorn! I can ‘feel and a see’ a smooth flow of classics in the air. Great!

    Hank

    • Thank you.. 🙂

19. Love the way the three lines move from disparate chords, to the flow of instruments, to spiritual transport. Moving and beautiful!

    • I tried to follow the script. introduction, continuation and a different view…

20. I adored this one as I could feel the music lyrically.

    • Thank you… I often close my eyes and leave the room mentally

21. …love, love, love Beethoven…. music, especially the classics, has a vital part in my life…. thanks for sharing this… smiles…

    • I have season tickets and go about once a month.. it’s great, and always surprises.

22. Syllable counting is fraught with danger; different pronunciations of the same word give different numbers of syllables. I have the word families in my sijo, which for some people is 3 syllables – fam-ill-ease – but is only 2 for others – fam-lees.

    I enjoyed the musicality of your sijo – and the musical theme helped it right along.

    • On top of that, it might be that if you want ot keep close to the korean version… it might be that syllables are not even defined in the same way. That’s the case with haik, and is part of the movement away from 575… …

      • As you say, English – and most other European languages – work in a different way to Japanese and some other Asian languages, which is why the practice of syllable counting so often does a dis-service to Asian poetic forms.

23. There’s musicality to your poem, and you manage to render a musical experience very well; I was transported to that concert for a moment. Enjoyed.

    • Thank you 🙂

24. Lovely – and I’m carried by your poem! k.

    • Thank you 🙂

25. Ah, nice. Music has such a strong power to transport us most anywhere. I could just hear all the instruments being tuned…that’s a fun part of a concert too…isn’t it.

    • There is such anticipation… and especially when they sit before the formal tuning. Yes it’s and integral part of the experience.

26. A wonderful slijo: music does that to me, too.

    • Music is a perfect form of travelling.

27. The last line is splendid. What preceded it worked up to it. I like it, and I love that you wrote this on the scene… The best type of writing is this way; in another world.

28. Oh, what a delight! You made it look so easy. 🙂

29. I can almost hear the music, feel the entrance of the conductor and then let myself sit back and be transported to that wonderful world of symphony. Love it.

30. What a nice thought to be carried through the universe on the music’s flow…very nice!

31. Your poem is music to the ears, while being words on a page.

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