what remains? – Terza Rima for Visdare

Visdare picture prompt is a little depressing. This time I try terza-rima in a sonnet format. I also decided to show it on dVerse open link night.

If we can fathom all the sins we’ve done
it’s like a barren field of vacant chairs
where feasting carnivores have left a gone
I stand alone and watch with flowing tears
created voids and emptiness within
from murders and humanity’s affairs
lament the ultimate and final sin
a mindless slaughtering of innocents
but perpetrators, still are our kin
so how can we continue? what’s the sense?
as we are both victims and the villains
It’s time to act and dropping all pretense
so forget the wars, we are civilians
and fill the chairs with us, the billions

—–
April 19, 2013

50 responses to “what remains? – Terza Rima for Visdare

  1. So many great themes and indictments here about man’s inhumanity. The grayness and barren-ness of the pic really brings that out in us.

    “Lament the ultimate and final sin” I thought was interesting because I thought that would be suicide and you gave it, at least for me, a far greater meaning, the slaughtering of innocents – and my mind took that in the direction of the slaughtering of children. How horrible!

    And I liked the “… we are both victims and villains”. The truth of the statement, the flow of the line, and the alliteration.. Lastly, I like the idea of filling the chairs with us, the civilians, the billions. Why do we continue to let all this all happen…

    Moving piece. Randy

  2. I have seen this prompt before, way back when. I remember there was some fine posts that I was scared to comment on, not wanting to belittle them in any way, they were so good. This would not be out of place amongst such emminent offerings.

    I stand alone and watch with flowing tears
    Man, can I empathise wit that line!

  3. Bjorn, this is very contemplative and thoughtful. I think you are right about being both the victims and the villains….

  4. Terza Rima is not at all easy to write; it’s kind of like a lexicographical chess game where you have to be thinking ahead all the time. You’ve handled it pretty well here.
    Your line about us being both victim and villain reminds me of Solzenitshyn’s statement that the line between good and evil runs through the human heart.

    • I love challenges in form.. And when you write it directly on a computer you can go back and forth. I have never written a poem by hand 😉
      I didn’t know about the Solzenitshyn’s citation. But it’s the same thought. I think the 20th century is full of evidence for that.

  5. You like using strict form, don’t you?
    It is a good test and you didn’t make it easy on yourself with this one.

    • I like strict form, I think the form help me to focus on the content rather than trying to do a free rythm and content at the same time.

      When I write “free” it usually ends up that I created some form anyway.

  6. mmm…the victim and the villain…i think perhaps at times we are you know…i really like those last 3 lines as they are very direct as well…if only we did have solutions…or a willingness to do it…

  7. Very well crafted, and not just an assembly of empty words. Nicely done, I’ve read through it several times and it gets better each reading!

  8. ‘it’s like a barren field of vacant chairs’ what a completely beautiful line. Reminds me of the Oklahoma City Memorial – a chair for each victim – tiny chairs for the little children – heartbreaking. K

  9. Very clever and effective…especially with the accompanying photo…and yes wonderful reminder…we are both the victims and the villains…Excellent!

  10. The depth of your words touched my heart. I thought of so many people, including unborn babies – especially unborn babies, as I read this poem and stared upon the picture. How many empty chairs in a world overwhelmed by unexpected tragedy? So sad…

  11. This is so beautiful. Moving. Loving. Thoughtful.
    Powerful.
    I agree with your words, and I enjoyed the photo presented with it. Great message.

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