I’m early to post in Friday Fictioneers this week. I feel a little bad because I have not read all the entries last week, and I know it will be difficult this week also. You can also click the little blue figure at the bottom.
Friday Fictioneers is a group of people who write a story on 100 words (more or less) every week and then indulge in reading and commenting as many entries as you can. For more details visite Rochell Wisoff-Field homepage, where there are links to all the other entries. I made it in exactly 100 words and genre is drama fiction.
Copyright Renee Homan
He carefully removed his shoes before venturing out on the boardwalk. This time he wanted to feel the warmth of the sand-covered boards.
It brought back memories of her sun-bleached hair in the warm ocean breeze, and plans they had made for the beach-house they converted to a restaurant.
The success with Juan, who joined them with customers and a luscious menu, the long happy evenings, and the morning he found the restaurant abandoned.
The understanding dawned that his options were gone and he made his first firm decision.
He put the note into his left shoe and walked into the surf.
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January 23, 2013
Björn Rudbergs writings 
Very real,very sad, and many can really identify with him I am sure. In only 100 words you conveyed his hopes, dreams and the crashing of all of it. I very much understand him. When my small business crashed for slightly -very little bit – similar reasons, it took a lot to stand up. Your magnificent story therefore haunts ,and make no mistake, it is a powerful piece. I wonder if there should be a comma after ‘Juan’..not for the grammar.
You are perfectly right. Thank you, even if it never happened to me, I’ve had nightmares along the same lines.
Very well done
Thank you Boomie
Bjorn, I think we are going to have stories that begin here, continue here, and end here from this prompt. Must be something about the ocean and what it congers up. Very sad, very real story, but very good.
Thank you. Somehow the brighter the picture the darker story I see. I wonder if it would work the other way around.
I see no reason why it shouldn’t. Like in real life. In a bleak, hopeless situation when things look beyond repair, there can be hope for that one, to turn things around. Is that maybe what you meant, Bjorn? You know, even in a story of fiction, there can be a lot of life represented there.
Subtle, understated tone worked very well.
Thank you. It’s a tone I think works best in tragic story. Swedes are people of small gestures usually.
Sad, but very realistic. Great job!
Thank you 🙂
Oooh YES! Great story! History’s quite good here. Congrats!
Thank you.. 🙂
The best-laid plans often go awry. Sad but well-done. He really had lost everything.
You can combine “sand-covered”, which is correct and gives you another word to work with, maybe “a restaurant.”
janet
Good suggestion, I looked for options to get “a restaurant” Thank you 🙂
P.S. I like your new inlinkz picture.
Thank you.. 🙂 It represent the current weather better.
Dear Bjön,
Many layers here. Beautifully written.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Thank you 🙂 For some reason I saw a suicide immediately in the picture. Strange, but I have seen I’m not the only one… Maybe I need a really dark picture to turn it around to a happy story.
OMG…don’t do it. She is not worth it!!!
It’s not about her it’s always about yourself.
such a powerful piece… and the description of things that pushed him to the edge.. and it makes me wonder what he wrote in that note…
I think it was a love letter.
Check out the new picture of you! An excellent job as usual. Sad, real and perfectly told.
Tom
Thank you Tom. This week the story came immediately to me.
I immediately recall Edna Pontellier’s suicide when I read this. Thank you for the wave of nostalgia, I believe the two characters experienced something similar here.
That’s a novel I have never read. In the back of my mind was a Swedish film I once saw on TV. The end was exactly like this but the history behind entirely different.
into the surf? firm decisions are not always the best. but well done.
Thank you Rich.
Lacking firm decision could sometimes lead to the final one. I think his lack of decisions might have lead him to this end…
Very sad. Juan and the girl with the sun bleached hair have a lot to answer for. Nicely done.
I wonder how they see it that way.
Aahh!! Heart-breaking.. So sad it had to end that way.. Am intrigued by the note he put in his shoe.. Great take on the prompt!
Thank you, and if I think if I would write a longer story it would contain a love letter.
*weep*
maybe a miracle comes around…you powerfully aroused the emotions. ❤
It is sad.. but there are some keys in the story on why as well.
It seems his first firm decision shall also be his last. Yikes, perhaps he is not so good at making executive decisions. I love what you did with the 100 words you were given. You didn’t waste a single one. You created a back story and made the readers feel empathy for the main character. That, my friend, takes talent.
Thank you, the undescisive ones are always the loosers in out world.
Oh, this is so sad. You told the story beautifully, Bjorn!
Thank you, I need to go cheerful soon 🙂
Such a sad story. Nicely written, though.
Thank you Shirley
I felt his emotions, and that is not easily done in 100 words. Well done!
Good, I wanted to create feelings with this one.
No way home but forward. The ocean as a final grave to wash away the disappointments of life. Wow, what a great use of 100 words.
Thank you, I think the trick is to use all our built in perceptions to fill the gap.
A gentle tale turned sad at the very end. Very clever.
Thank you 🙂
It does seem like land’s end or falling off the edge, which goes well with the suicide idea. I liked how his memories fleshed out his character. Nice job.
I once read that a short story should never take longer to read than what is actually happening. Therefore memories are very effective to build the character.
betrayal and dreams crumbling..well written..
Thank you 🙂
Whoa, dude! This story is too real… Told that well. Chilling!
Thank you. Reality is chilling.
Hi Bjorn,
Maybe I have an overactive imagination, but I thought the restaurant failed because Juan ran off with the blonde. Is this a legitimate interpretation? A tragic story, no matter how you interpret it. Ron
Your imagination is exactly in line with my intentions 🙂
Wow, Ron and I were on the same page-imagine that. So, she ran off with a guy who could cook. She ain’t worth dying for, buddy. Drown your sorrows with a stiff drink and move on.
Sad, haunting and beautiful. It’s the kind of story I love to tell.
Thank you, I’m sorry it was not exactly in line with a beach wedding 🙂
My dear, THAT is a good thing.
xoxoxoxoxoxox
I don’t think his options were gone, but hard for him to see at the time. We need an intervention! Sad, effective story.
I think a lucky intervention is what might save him…
Oh dear! Someone stop him.
Tragic and sadly real to life. Well done.
Thank you.
Strong stuff, well done. I hope he had other options.
Maybe the note said “please leave my shoes, I’ll be back in an hour”
Don’t do it! I want to help this guy. I too had a store that didn’t survive this recession (in the USA), but there is life after loss of business and gal. Darn, you make me want to reach out and help him! Excellent job.
I hope someone stepped forward and gave him a hug
A very moving story. I can understand how he feels.
Me too, but not his solution…
How sad, and unfortunately all too true in this day and age. I can perfectly picture the shoe with a little piece of paper sticking up, perhaps saying “don’t hate me for what I’ve done -I had to do it” or something equally tragic.
Thank you. Wanted to do a very realistic story this week.
I didn’t realize you added me to your blogroll. I feel very humbled:) Thank you!
Betrayed, I thought he would soldier on, too bad for him.
Maybe he changed his mind after some cold water.
Deeply moving, Bjorn.
Thank you 🙂
Great story, Bjorn. You said just enough to make us feel it all.
I like the new picture too.
Thank you Sandra 🙂
I loved this Bjorn. Sad that his “first firm decision” was also his last.
Well written.
Think the key to the story was lack of firm decisions before.
oh my, so much emotion in these few words. Nicely done. Note in the shoe was perfect.
Thank you
Very tragic. I hope he reconsidered. Nice work
Hope so 🙂
so very sad. This brought tears to my eyes.
Sorry for the tears, but I can’t lye, it was my intention.
That was what was beautiful about it!
What is it about the ocean? Very sad. Very final.
Oceans are the alluring for death.
Interesting that he felt this was his “first firm decision”–gives great insight into why he lost the girl and the restaurant. Well-developed story.
I’m glad you pointed it out, yes that is what I intended with that sentence.
We seem to have a common writing style, using “he” or “she” instead of a single name for our stories-it makes the story more realistic to the reader. they can think of “he or she” as being whomever they wish. Great story. Thanks for reading my “burst’ blog as well. beebeesworld
Yes, with names there are always a person entering my mind. I only use that if there is an intention with it. This week I did, but it was intended to confuse.