Execution of the king

A yarling in the gloaming wood
The dying cry of man in pain
In twilight hark the scary drums
A signal for the end of reign
—
The terror of his ruling time
Now ending with a hang-mans rope
The bell’s of church will start to chime
And for his serfs, now there is hope
—
And as the dusk turns into night
The farmer walking slowly home
And through the wood he sees the light
His home, a haven from the gloam
—
Short ballad inspired by #lqw (gloaming) #artwiculate (yarling) WOTD May 24 21012
Björn Rudberg

5 responses to “Execution of the king”

The more I read of what I may have referred to as your “skippy” sounds, the more I regret mentioning them, even in passing, or in an academic way. Please take that early advice I gave literally. I really meant that it is a good exercise to practice rephrasing things. But I also meant it when I said, If you like the sound of skipping words, then you should definitely do it.

I very much enjoy your “skippy” sound, My wife (a consummate lover of poetry and quite an extreme literature/humanities “nerd,” as they say) also loves it, although she has been too shy thus far to comment. That element of your work has been fairly consistent throughout. It is unique to you and your background. I feel as though you should keep it, refine it as you will, develop it, expand it, perhaps, as you wish; but by no means should you mitigate it or abandon it. (except where you feel it is warranted.)

brudberg October 17, 2012 at 09:10 · · Reply →

I have started to think about it, but to me, the rhythm is the most important part.. and the shortening of words I am not comfortable with.
Thank’s for your reading, and it would be good to meet you on twitter also. Many of my poems start from there.
- David Emeron October 17, 2012 at 13:09 · ·
  
  yes I agree, as a musician myself, I thing sound is paramount, which is why I feel I wouldn’t want to spoil the natural lilt of your work with too much advice.
  
  Contractions can sound clunky, I agree, although, on the humorous side of things–and the romantic side, as well–my sweetheart grew up reading sonnets with her grandfather, and the old classics sometimes made use of a number of contractions, because Elizabethan English verb conjurations had extra syllables which were, in fact in the process of disappearing over time. But I digress! My point was that these contractions sound so familiar to my sweetheart because of the old poetry she read as a young girl, and therefore it warms her heart to hear me use them.
  
  And even though my mastery of older forms of English is far from perfect, using it’s artifacts earns me kisses! So my motivation for doing so is not the usual one!!
  
  My twitter is @davidemeron I havent been monitoring that or my facebook page, but wordpress does automatic posts to both of them, I believe.
  
  I shall start monitoring my twitter page now, and see what happens.