a better man – for dVerse

· by · in dVerse, free verse, poetry. ·

Rodin: The old courtesan

Rodin: The old courtesan



I wish I was a better man
I wish I could rid myself of prejudice
share a cup of coffee – listen
to her story of abuse
that’s written in her veins
I wish I could travel deep
into her eyes and see
a pony-tailed hopscotching
giggling little girl her mother left
and tell her that I care
I wish I was a better man
I wish I could relieve her of the dread
that leaded weight of age
I wish I was a better man
instead I listen to my fear
and leave

—
Today at dVerse MTB we have a guest writer for MTB. Bill Webb, who encourage us to take this citation by Rilke to our heart. Write about something that goes to our heart and that feels important.

“write about what your everyday life offers you; describe your sorrows and desires, the thoughts that pass through your mind and your belief in some kind of beauty Describe all these with heartfelt, silent, humble sincerity and, when you express yourself, use the Things around you, the images from your dreams, and the objects that you remember.”

Rilke was very much influenced by Auguste Rodin, and we can also use a sculpture of him as influence. I have thought a lot about the poem I wrote for dVerse poetics.. and actually my true reaction to meet a prostitute. To some extent I’m a coward just running away, and I wanted to express the kind of man I want to be.

Amazingly this poem also fit Kerry’s prompt on dichotomy at real toads, so I link up late there also.
—
September 4, 2014

57 responses to “a better man – for dVerse”

  3. Bjorn, Sadly, some people are bejond our help. We can only pray that somewhere, somehow, they get the help they need. We need to always remember that there but for the grace of God, any of us could go. 🙂 —Susan

  5. it is easier…to leave
    because when we take on someone else’s baggage
    a bit of it becomes our own…i think it is a failure
    we have all faced at some point

  6. I can understand your frustration. We all have people (or categories of people) who make us uncomfortable, no matter how hard we try to overcome the feeling.

  8. My feeling is I don’t think a person should beat themselves up for what they cannot do, but to concentrate on what they can do. And I am sure there are many.

  9. empathy makes us see deeper than what’s on the outside… it’s not always easy to know how to talk to someone then or how to meet them… i wish i was braver as well

  11. This is amazing – both what is written and unwritten. I’ve had encounters with troubled people and it’s complex. Yes, I (we) want to reach out a helping hand, but sometimes the weight gets too heavy, like we’re barely treading water without a life vest. Walking away is the immediate easy solution, but then the burden of guilt about what we didn’t do eventually creeps up on us…

  12. The danger in remaining, in interacting, in reaching out are the memories of every time we have done that, & then being mugged, victimized, taken advantage of, scammed; a harsh fact of life. We are given enough burdens to bear within the sphere of our own realities, but as a poet, you see her with different eyes for a vulnerable moment.

  13. Yes fear is usually behind everything that doesn’t serve us. I really like your sad poem. So often we are afraid to communicate our love, our caring and we leave the situation.

  17. I feel the push-pull here Bjorn. You wrote this brilliantly and it captures the emotions elicited by the sculpture brilliantly. I might add a grammar note (please don’t take offense), but in English in cases contrary to fact we use the subjunctive.rather than the indicative case. This from Wikipedia might make more sense (I know it’s weird for Texans to get too…I guess that’s why it’s ingrained in my mind.) Anyway it ought to be “if I were” not “if I was”.

    “The English subjunctive—that is, the subjunctive mood in English grammar—is an irrealis mood used to form verbs in statements that do not describe known, objective facts. These include statements about one’s state of mind, such as opinion, belief, purpose, intention, or desire. The subjunctive mood is also used for statements that are contrary to fact, such as, “If I were a giraffe,” … (subjunctive), as distinguished from, I am a human being. Subjunctive statements often occur in dependent clauses, such as the subjunctive example in the preceding sentence. In contrast, the indicative mood is the English language’s realis mood used for unqualified statements of fact, such as, I speak English.

    “In Modern English the subjunctive form of a verb is in many cases the same as a corresponding indicative form, and thus subjunctives are not a very visible grammatical feature of English. For most verbs, the only distinct subjunctive form is found in the third-person singular of the present tense, where the subjunctive lacks the -s ending: It is necessary that he see a doctor (contrasted with the indicative he sees). However, the verb be has not only a distinct present subjunctive (be, as in I suggest that he be removed) but also a past subjunctive were (as in If he were rich, …).”

    • Not to interrupt, but this is POETRY! The laws that govern the land just cannot apply! Unfortunately, English comes from the ‘street,’ or battlefield, or trade wind. There is no academy that decides what is true or real, and both Oxford and Webster dictionaries add words gleaned from life yearly, unlike languages like, say, Russian, French or Hungarian which mandate language form in both lexical and grammatical form. We cannot substitute their academies which decide what language is acceptable with ‘Wikipedia’ in English! We should look at successful communication rather than accurate communication.

      • Bjorn and Hamish. I felt a little awkward leaving that note. Just if I were writing I would like some one to let me know that little bit of grammar – then I could choose to use it or not as I chose. If English were Bjorn’s first language, indeed I would not have left the note at all. I am very sorry for having posted it and really know I should have done so privately. Again I apologize.

      • Oh dear – my intention was definitely not to cause anyone to feel apologetic – more that the topic was interesting, and one that I had strong long-term opinions about – but only that, opinions only, and about the topic you raised. I smiled at your 2nd line!

      • Thanks. No problem. I wrestled with myself over it. But I so admire Bjorn and his skills and dedicated my poem today to him as he is well skilled at language. I thought it would be ok to write it, and then wanted to pull back. Thanks for your note. It makes me feel less awkward. Thanks Hamish.

  20. That world of ‘I wish’ can hang like a massive cloud over everything we do. (And by the way, that subjunctive use is for formal speech. The simple, flawed, informal speech of your speaker does not require it–just my 2 cents.)

  21. Well..i’ve definitely been here before and done it..and experienced these feelings too..and a person who worked with people many years and then worked with computers moving away from people..i felt my abilities weakening in the basic human ability to be strong enough to burden the pain of others..to be their for others..

    All i can say..is i know at least for me..change is possible but yes it is so hard..when problem solving is a way of life..rather than human connection that does require practice..practice..practice too…

    Poetry and efforts like this can spark the light of empathy growing brighter and mostly why i write…

    To be a human being..as i lives as human robot..most definitely before.

  23. What a powerful write, Bjorn. Bravo for writing on this topic. It can make us uncomfortable to see a damaged soul, think of how they started off perfect and innocent, and it is normal to feel helpless and turn away. The cool thing is, you care. I love this poem!

  29. I was going to write that this is an amazing poem, and it is, but there’s so much more to be said and this probably isn’t the place, space, time, to go into everything it’s made me feel. Maybe that’s it, Björn, it makes me feel…and it is so in tune with the image – nice one – love it.

  30. Ah, yes. This does present the dichotomy: Between the idea and the reality, between the motion and the act… falls the shadow.

  31. Hiya Bjorn – love “the leaded weight of age…” and the delicately truthful melancholy in your close…

  32. This says so much about who we really are, how it interacts with who others are, despite what we wish–still, I think that wish to be better, more understanding, does reach through the communication to the other, and it does make a difference if genuine. No one else can actually heal us, but being listened to, feeling sympathy and concern, is a very effective balm. Enjoyed and appreciated this piece, Bjorn.

  33. to be a better man means making mistakes, reflecting on them, and if within your power adjusting the next time you are faced with a similar situation. without mistakes there is nothing to be better than. hmm…that sounds a bit confusing…sorry…

    an enjoyable read.

  35. Bjorn, I empathize very much with this sentiment. Sometimes I can be stronger and reach out, but being shy by nature usually takes over. I really admire people who can reach out to anyone. Beautiful, heartfelt poem, exactly what Rilke inspired 🙂

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